


Things Not Taught

by Overandout



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abusive Bro, M/M, Pining, RP format, death mention, no SBurb AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:42:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 33,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25127956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Overandout/pseuds/Overandout
Summary: Dirk hasn't been turning in his homework, and why should he? Apparently so he doesn't get mandatory tutoring. But can he really complain when his tutor is his long-time crush, John Egbert?John is a friendly, helpful guy who sees the best in everyone around him, including Dirk. He just wishes Dirk could see it in himself.
Relationships: John Egbert/Dirk Strider
Comments: 5
Kudos: 48





	1. Chapter 1

"You're smarter than this."

A phrase Dirk had thrown at him more times than he cared to count.

What the fuck did it matter how smart he was? What the fuck did his grades even matter? Why did any of these assholes even care?

His home life... wasn't the best. Living with an asshole older brother will do that to a kid. But as long as he got out the second he turned 18, did anything after that matter? He could be a fucking fry cook for all he cared. Why should anyone else care more than he did?

"I'm assigning you a tutor."

Okay, that was new. "Wait, what?"

"John Egbert. Bright young man in your home room who actually manages to turn his homework in. He'll help you work through whatever issues you're having with your assignments. He needs the volunteer hours, anyway."

Dirk's brain shorted out after the name was spoken, the rest hazing into the background.

John Egbert was only one of the funniest, most casually popular kids who was hot in that dorky sort of way that he absolutely didn't realize how hot he was, at least in Dirk's very professional, unbiased opinion.

Okay, maybe a little biased.

Okay, maybe Dirk had had a hopeless crush on the dude since freshman year, but he was just so... obviously straight, right? That was the hopeless part, he supposed.

Dirk forced himself to focus back in on the teacher.

"I think you two should meet up twice a week and see how that goes. If your grades start improving, you can drop it down, if they don't, well, you'll be meeting with him every day I can convince him to do it, and I am very convincing," the teacher warned.

"Fine."

She seemed a little shocked that there wasn't any further struggle, but took it in stride.

"Good. I'll let him know and you two can meet up in the library after school tomorrow."

Dirk didn't bother acknowledging that, and just left. His stomach flipping strangely at the thought of tomorrow afternoon.

John has been told he’s overly friendly before, but what’s the point of life if he can’t be kind in it? 

So, when he heard that he would be able to help somebody with their classes, he jumped on the chance. It would go towards his volunteer hours too!

“Oh, hi? Are you Dirk? I’m John! It’s so nice to meet you, I know we were supposed to meet after school but I wanted to get a chance to meet you before!” He’s also been told that he talks.. A bit much. 

Dirk was a little taller than him and he was bouncing on his toes, smiling up at him.

Yep, this dude had no idea he existed until this point. Great. His excited puppy attitude only served to grind that in more.

"I know who you are. We're in homeroom together. Nice to... meet you, I guess. You know if you just want to ditch, you can. I won't tell if you don't."

Maybe he was being a little rude, but he also thought his brain would break if he had to spend one on one time with John Fucking Egbert, which would be the opposite of helpful.

John’s smile started to fall and little flat and he stopped bouncing, eyebrows furrowing a little.

“Oh-I- I can’t afford to skip.” Or rather, he doesn’t want to see the look of disappointment that would show up in his Father’s face if he did.

“Are you coming to homeroom? The bell’s going to ring soon.”

Aw damn. The look on John's face shot right through his heart. God he was an asshole.

Dirk pretended to consider it for a moment then said. "Fine, I'll go. Lead the way."

Might as well get used to being around the dude more. Maybe then his heart wouldn't jump out of his chest when it was study time.

John smiled a little and nodded, turning to walk towards class. 

“Is there a certain time you need to be done this afternoon? I don’t want to send you home too late and I know my dad isn’t above calling an entire search party because I got home later than expected, he’s such a worrier, but is there a time you need to be done by?”

Dirk snorted. "My Bro could literally not give less of a shit."

They reached the classroom and Dirk hesitated, wanting to go to his usual seat in the back corner of the class, but now wondering if he was expected to sit with John.

"Uh," he said. Then made up his mind. "See ya."

He headed for his usual spot. He and John would be spending plenty of time together after school. He was definitely not starting to blush thinking of that. God this was hell.

John aimed a worried look at him before nodding. “Alright.”

“See you!! You can sit with my friends and I at lunch if you want, I’m pretty sure there’s some room!” He waved once more before sitting down closer to the front.

He couldn’t wait for their study session, he bet it’d go great!

Did this dude really not understand what different worlds they were in? Like hell he'd be sitting with him at lunch. Even if he spent the rest of homeroom and the next several classes daydreaming of exactly that.

What a fucking sap.

Lunch came around and he got his requisite cold cheese sandwich reserved for those poor fucks with past due lunch balances and headed to his usual secluded table, pointedly not looking at where preppy John and his happy go lucky friends sat.

What a pipe dream.

Not like he and John could ever actually be friends. The guy was just taking him on as a pity case for volunteer hours. Nothing more.

Yep, he for sure definitely wasn't sneaking glances at John and his group of friends.

Definitely not.

John thinks determined is the proper word to describe him sometimes. For example, he’d feel bad if he just let Dirk sit alone (and now he was thinking about how long he probably had sitting alone and now he was feeling bad)

“Hey, Dirk!” Too cheery for most in the middle of school, but he didn’t have much to be not happy about, Rose said being too cheery was particularly healthy, however. 

He just wanted to help, though, even a little. He sat across from him with a cute little smile. “What’s up?”

Dirk froze. What the fuck was he doing here? A mix of pleasure and anxiety rolled through his gut and he put his sandwich down.

John was smiling at him.

Not that he wasn't a smiley sort of guy anyway. Still.

"Just eating. Usual lunchtime activity." He thought for a moment, then added, "Why aren't you with your friends?"

“Because I wanted to talk to you, silly,” He laughed a little, really hoped he didn’t take that the wrong way.

He waved at his friends and a few waved back.

“See? They’re fine with it.”

Dirk flushed a bit at that. He wants to ask why John would possibly want to talk to him, but one, he figures it's more charity and two, that would start to sound pathetic even to him.

"Oh," he said instead. "Did you want to hash out shit about the study session or something?"

Focus away from the personal, Dirk, because his heart couldn't take getting used to this attention from John only for it to disappear once he convinced the teacher he didn't need a tutor anymore.

John’s smile slipped a little and he shook his head, waving his hand to the side a little.

“No need for that, we can do all of that after school. I just wanted to talk to you! What class do you have after this?” 

John talked with his whole person, he was expressive and joyous in a full-bodied way never staying still for too long.

Fuck, why was he so cute? Keep it together, Dirk. It's just your several year crush apparently taking actual interest in you, no big deal. He's still probably straight and this is still temporary.

"Oh," he said again. "Chemistry."

He talked as though he was unused to human conversations, which he supposed he was. Didn't get much conversation at home, and everyone at school avoided him, which he was mostly relieved by.

Talking was awkward.

He was awkward.

And his crush would realize that any second and stop trying.

“Oh, chem, are you good at it? I’m okay, I have a B but I can probably get an A by the end of the semester! Rose is super good at chem, though, I was much better at Biology.”

He didn’t pay much mind to his own food but a quick glance at Dirk’s own clearly showed that much was to be desired and his want to share as skyrocketing but he already felt like he may have been making things a little awkward on Dirk. 

“Do you like it?”

Glad that his awkwardness hasn't driven his crush away, Dirk feels himself relax. "We get to set things on fire, like, all the time. What's not to like? I'm... Okay at it."

Dirk was pretty "okay" in all his classes. That didn't translate to his grades, though.

John laughed a little at Dirk’s words and nodded. “Yeah, yeah. The fire is fun, the math and formulas.. Not so much.” 

John sent a wayward glance to the clock. “Lunch is almost over. Time sure seems to fly when you’re enjoying it, huh? I don’t know if we have more classes together but if we don’t, I can’t wait to see you after school.” 

He ended the sentence with a soft smile.

Dirk felt his cheeks heat up and he hoped to God it didn't show.

They didn't have any more classes together, which Dirk has never been more thankful for, so he just nodded and said, "Meet you at the library."

The rest of the day went by both too quickly and too slowly. Dirk didn't even know if he was dreading studying with John anymore. Lunch hadn't been so bad, had it? Maybe... Maybe he could do this. But the thought of John just forgetting about him once he was done being tutored gnawed at him, mixing with the mere half of the cheese sandwich now churning in his belly.

So he stood, waiting outside the library, fighting with his conflicted emotions and trying not to look too eager as he scanned the students for the shock of black hair and blue eyes that were John Egbert.

“Yeah, Dad, I’ll be home a little late today because I’m helping someone- yes, he’s nice, he’s very kind,” John’s eyes searched the library and when he caught sight of Dirk, he smiled brightly and waved him over. 

“No, Dad, he isn’t a ruffian, I bet he’s super smart, classes are just hard, you know? Too much homework and all that, okay, bye, I love you, I love you, bye.” 

His dad was a bit of a hoverer, to say the least, but John knows it’s done out of worry and love, and he’s usually able to stop it before it gets too bad. 

“Hey, Dirk, you ready? Just let me know what you need help with and we can go over it or get a schedule down.”

Dirk's heart jumped in his throat at the sight of John smiling and waving at him, like the silly lovesick teen he was. He swallowed heavily, schooled his expression, and headed over.

He wanted to tell John he didn't actually need help at all, but there was no way to explain exactly why his grades were so bad that didn't sound like a lot of pathetic excuses, so he just nodded and sat down.

He had homework in English, which was his worst subject, extenuating circumstances or no, so he pulled that out first and started reading over his section, shoulders hunched like he could just disappear into his oversized hoodie.

As he read, he relaxed a bit, almost forgetting he wasn't alone, and when he got to the questions, he frowned and tapped his pencil against the table in agitation, scribbling something, then erasing it, then scribbling something else.

God he hated English.

John waited patiently for Dirk to ask him for help but after a few moments he realized that he probably wouldn’t, and he frowned softly.

He reached over and lightly tapped the table in front of Dirk and dipped his head down to meet his eyes.

“Hey, you need some help there? It’s okay if you don’t want to ask, but that’s what I’m here for, so it’s not a problem.” He explained with a patient smile.

Dirk froze like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He glanced away, the direct eye contact feeling too much.

"I just don't get what they're wanting me to say here," he muttered, tapping at the question. "Math is easy. The answer is right or it isn't. This is..." He sighed, frustrated. "It's so subjective! What does my interpretation have to do with anything?"

John waited until Dirk was done speaking and he nodded to show he heard him before replying.

“Well, your interpretation has to do with a lot because everyone reads the story differently, especially ones that are so vague like this, all the different metaphors means everyone reads it based on their own experiences. There isn’t a right or wrong answer which can be a little weird when compared to math or science, but since there’s no strict answer to adhere to, you can speak your mind about the text without fear of consequence!”

John squinted at Dirk’s paper before tracing the nail of his pointer finger along the question. 

“They just want to know what you think about this particular section. How’d you feel when you read it, why’d you feel that way, what you think of the characters, et cetera.”

Dirk was a useless gay. John's hand being so close to his own, almost touching his pencil, was enough to make his heart beat faster.

He nodded, getting himself under control. "I guess if they just want me to bullshit it, I'll bullshit it. Not sure I feel much of anything about it. Life sucks, we all die, accept nihilism and move on is basically all it's saying."

He started writing down his answers then stopped and mumbled out a, "Thanks, John."

“Huh, I never looked at it that way. I always saw it as sarcastically rejecting the human condition. Probably even following in the footsteps of Rousseau and the philosophy that humans are good by nature, that even though we have the ability to be cruel, at the heart of it all, we care for each other and life. You see what I mean about there being no wrong answer now?” John finished with a little laugh. 

He nodded to the paper and smiled. “Of course, you’re welcome, Dirk.”

Dirk finished up the rest of his English assignment fairly easily after that, then he pulled out math.

Ah, math. Now there was a subject that made sense. He was quickly absorbed in solving the problems and sketching graphs, only having to flip through the text book a few times to understand new concepts, since he hadn't paid that much attention in class. The corner of his mouth ticked ever so slightly upward as he breezed through the dozen or so questions, and he felt far more prepared when he pushed on and pulled out his chemistry assignment.

It was more words than he liked. He had to record what had happened in that day's lab, which he should have done while he was in said lab, but he had had far more important things to work on then. Like setting more things on fire. Sure, that hadn't been part of the assignment that day, but the teacher didn't seem to mind.

He felt... weirdly relaxed, actually, even if part of him was still freaking out over being in such close proximity to John, who he definitely wasn't sneaking glances at between questions. He had his shades on. Perfect cover.

John watched in awe as Dirk worked through the rest of his homework with refined skill and ease. 

Well, now that left John a bit confused. 

If Dirk was doing so well with his homework, minor hiccup with English aside, John didn’t understand how he was well, failing.

John patiently waited until Dirk was done, giving the work a cursory glance over, one he knew was completely unnecessary. 

“Good job, Dirk, all this work is.. Amazing, honestly, this is super good but now I’m just, I’m just confused on how you could possibly be failing any classes, English included.”

The slight smile slipped off Dirk's face and he schooled it to a poker face before it could slide into anything else. He didn't look at John as he shoved his finished homework in his back, trying to think of something to say that wouldn't sound pathetic.

He settled for shrugging and saying, "Dunno. Guess I never thought it mattered much."

The look of slight worry on John’s face deepened, and he shook his head, reaching out to touch Dirk before thinking twice of it and sliding his hand back.

“Dirk, you’re smart, really smart if this work is anything to go by, and I-..” John fell silent, flustered as he tried to explain his own confusion and perplexities to the other. 

“Why? Just- why do you think it doesn’t matter?”

Dirk noticed the attempt to reach out and tensed, then relaxed a little when he pulled his hand back, even if it kind of hurt.

"Grades aren't going to get me anywhere. It's all a waste. I mean, what am I going to do? Go to college?" He scoffed, but everything he said sounded like he had memorized it and was repeating it verbatim than actually believed it. "College is for rich kids. I'll do this until I scrape by with a diploma, or I'll get my GED later. Doesn't really matter either way."

“College is for everyone, I mean, yeah it was made as a construct for the rich but it’s sort of a kick to the teeth for them to see when someone who isn’t rich gets in but-“ John waved his hands irritatedly as he got off track before speaking again.

“You could get a scholarship, heck, you could probably even get a full ride! It’s not as far away as it might seem.”

“All... all you need to do is turn your work in, Dirk.”

Dirk was annoyed now, crush or no. What did John know about any of this? Why was he trying to make this all sounds so easy? "You don't know what you're talking about. College is a pipe dream and there's no point in me thinking about it," he snapped like he was reading from a script. "I'll do the fucking study sessions so I don't get detention, but that's it."

He stood up, slung his bag over his shoulder and said, "I don't need anyone's pity." Then he left, forcing himself not to look back, not to show how hurt he felt.

John watched Dirk walk off and after a few seconds, he lowered himself back down into his seat and took his glasses off, head resting in his hands for a moment before he sighed heavily, decompressing before he stood up and brushed his hair back.

After putting his glasses back on, John forced himself to smile a little but it felt too fake and forced, so he dropped it. 

Did Dirk really think it was pity? Maybe he’d pushed too hard too fast? It was possible, he was aware he could be... Overzealous, at times, but it was always done from the goodness of his heart.

Sighing again, softer, John called his dad.

“Hey, Dad, I’ll be home in like.. Fifteen minutes.”

“What’s wrong, son?”

“Nothing, nothing, nothing’s wrong, I just-“ John waved at the librarian as he left and found himself unable to continue.

“Do you want to talk about it when you get home?”

John considered. Dirk said he didn’t know what he was talking about, that college was a pipe dream and John knew he was well off, he knew college wasn’t always accessible, but what else was he missing?

“Yeah, Dad, I’d like that.”

"Where the fuck were you?"

Dirk's heart sank. He thought Bro would still be out. "Studying."

Bro snorted. "Since when do you do that?"

"Since I found out I'd get detention if I don't." Dirk tried to sidestep Bro, who was standing in the middle of the living room, but Bro just moved back in front of him and grabbed his backpack.

"Teachers don't give you detention over that. Are you lying to me? Trying to be some smarty pants and get into college? They don't want your broke ass."

Dirk made a grab for his bag, but Bro held it out of his reach. "I'm not lying but they have scholarships and shit. Don't need money."

Bro opened the bag, took out the papers Dirk had loosely shoved in there, and dropped the bag, instead rifling through the papers. "What a load of bullshit. Who'd give scholarships to a stupid kid like you?" And before Dirk could say another word, Bro ripped up the papers into tiny pieces and let it litter the floor like confetti. "Man up and get a real job and stop focusing of fucking pipe dreams."

Dirk fought back tears as he grabbed his bag from the floor and stormed to his room, Bro snickering as he let him by.

He dropped into his bed and curled up on it, only now letting some tears leak out.

He should just ditch next time. Maybe detention wouldn't be so bad. There was no fucking point to any of this.

An image of John smiling at him surfaced unbidden into his mind and his heart ached. Would John find out he didn't have homework to turn in now? Would he be disappointed? Would he even care?

Clutching his head in his hands, he shook with silent sobs until he drifted off to sleep.

“I don’t know, he was wearing shades, I couldn’t see his eyes but he sounded kind of.. I don’t know, blank? Like he was just repeating something back to me.”

John leaned into his dad’s side as he stirred the food in the pot, handing him spices and such on occasion. 

“I feel bad, almost, because he isn’t- he isn’t a bad person and like,” 

“Slow down, son.”

“I know, Dad but it’s frustrating because he’s so smart! He breezed through like it was nothing! And he just.. Didn’t believe he could do it.”

“How did that make you feel?”

“I feel frustrated! And-and sad.”

“Sad?”

“Yeah, sad.”

Dad bumped his hip into John’s, trying to drag even a small smile to his face.

“You’re such a good soul, John, don’t let anyone ever tell you different. Now, it sounds like this boy is scared of the future.”

“Scared-?”

“Let me finish, son. It sounds like he’s scared because no one’s ever encouraged him not to be before, and you are.. Quite a lot of energy, and not everyone is used to kindness. Be gentle with him, take your time, you’ll get there.”

John hummed and eventually nodded.

“Yeah, that makes sense. Thanks Dad, love you.”

“Love you too, son.”

John didn’t have much of a plan, but starting at school tomorrow he thinks he can at least try and ease Dirk into his own brand of homegrown kindness and friendship.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk is floored by how nice and cool John really is.
> 
> John's just being regular nice to Dirk, nothing more to it than that! Right?

Dirk tried avoiding John the next day at school. He got there early and slipped into home room and to his usual spot and propped a book up in front of his face while he laid it on the desk. Not the most original, but he didn't sleep worth shit last night, so any little bit helped.

He was tired in so many ways and he didn't want to give John any reason to talk to him today, didn't want him to find out he didn't have homework to turn in.

They weren't meeting to study today, so there was no real reason for them to talk, anyway.

He just wanted this day to be over, but he didn't have much to look forward to after it either.

“Hey, Dirk,” John kept his voice quiet as he peeked over the book that Dirk had set up. 

In any other circumstances, with people he knew a little more, he’d probably drape himself over the other, he was touchy with his friends, the language that John spoke best was one of physicality. 

He allowed his eyes to drift over him, allowing himself to observe aspects of Dirk he couldn’t see yesterday.

The most obvious was how tired he looked, tired in a way that John had only associated with his father a few years ago, back when John sort of had a mom. 

“Are you okay?”

The book didn't work. John was here. He wanted to bury his face further in his desk, away from his prying eyes. He didn't want to be seen.

He tilted his head as away from John as he could.

"Tired," he said.

John nodded and reached out hesitantly before placing his fingers against Dirk’s nape and slowly rubbing his fingers back and forth.

“That’s okay, we don’t do much here anyway, you can sleep. I’ll let you know if anything important happens.”

He hoped Dirk didn’t react badly to his touch, he’d seen the way he’d tensed up yesterday as John had been reaching for him.

Dirk tensed up for a moment, then melted under John's touch, his shoulders drooping in relief. He felt tears spring to his eyes at the gentle gesture, his heart constricting in his chest and he buried his face in his arms.

"Thanks," he said, hoping it didn't sound wobbly.

He didn't deserve this, and he was sure John would regret being so kind when he realized Dirk didn't have homework to turn in, but he would be selfish and take the comfort while he could. Even if he felt like he was using him, with his ulterior motives of wanting to be close to his crush. He tried not to think about how John would react if he found out and tried to just let himself enjoy the moment.

“You’re welcome.” He watched Dirk relax under his ministrations and wondered idly if he’d fall asleep just like this. 

They still had a few minutes until the bell rang and class was officially in session, but John didn’t mind spending them just like this. 

John found himself oddly comforted by it as well and jumped a little when the bell finally rang, startled out of his reverie.

He chanced it with a slight run of fingers through the shorter hair at the back of Dirk’s neck before going back to his seat. 

He dug his work out, having done it after dinner the night before and waited for the teacher to come around.

The little touch at the base of Dirk's head sent a shiver through him, and he missed it when John left to go sit down.

He lifted his head up when the teacher started coming around, but just shrugged uselessly when she held out her hand expectantly.

She didn't say anything. She was used to this. She just went on to the next student and collected their work and Dirk laid his head back down and waited for class to be over.

John frowned a little when he realized that Dirk didn’t have anything to hand in.

He wanted to say that he left it at home, but logically, it made no sense. John was there when he’d put it in his bag and everything had been completed, so what use would there have been to take it back out?

It’s just homework, John wanted to say, but.. He’d seen how eased Dirk was by his ability to do it, and his clear discomfort with not being able to solve English as easily. 

John decided that he’d have to speak to him after class, he might be a little late to his next one but it was no big deal. 

“Dirk! Dirk, hold on, can I talk to you for a sec?”

Dirk had tried to slip out of class quietly, and he froze when John called out to him. His stomach turned. This is exactly what he had been wanting to avoid. Play it cool, Dirk.

He turned around and raised his eyebrows slightly and asked, "What's up?"

John searched Dirk’s face but couldn’t find much emotion, and settled quickly on bluntness.

“You didn’t have your work, what’s up? Did you forget it at home?” Even if it didn’t make much sense, it was still possible, and he wanted to give Dirk the benefit of the doubt here.

Dirk shrugged, uncomfortable, and slouched into his shoulders. "Dog ate it."

John’s brow furrowed and he sighed softly. “Okay.. Okay, we can talk to the teacher and she can give you some more worksheets. Not sure you’d need my help with them and she may take a few points off but I don’t think it’d be enough to be a failing grade.” 

“Do you think that would help?” He added after a slight pause.

Dirk shifted uneasily on his feet. This was too much. This was above and beyond for just helping him study a couple times a week. This wasn't right. Dirk wasn't worth this.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked before he could stop himself.

“Why? I mean, why wouldn’t I? You need help, so I’m helping you. Help isn’t something that should be earned, it’s something that should be given. We can’t do everything on our own.”

John smiled a little, it was a bit sad, but warm and open.

Dirk didn't know what to say to that. It didn't make sense. The look John was giving him hurt. It was so... soft. Dirk reflexively took a step back, and was saved from having to respond to what John said by the bell for the next class.

"I have to go," he said, then darted away.

John watched him run off and sighed, shaking his head before going back into homeroom.

“Hey, ma’am, hey, can I talk to you about Dirk-“

“You aren’t tutoring him anymore?”

“What- no, no, I’m going to still tutor him, I just needed to know if he had any copies of last night’s homework? Dirk had a bit of a misstep with it but he did do it.”

“Did he now?”

“Yes, we worked on it together, he got every answer right, I guess he had a bit of an accident with his dog.”

The teacher paused as she was handing him the papers. 

“Dog?”

“Yeah.”

She hummed as she signed a piece of paper and handed it to him, a makeshift late slip. 

“Hurry up now, tell him to bring it to me after school.”

  
  


John tracked Dirk down the moment lunch came, seeming flighty.

“Dirk, hey! Okay, I managed to get the work and she just wants you to bring it in after school, okay?”

Dirk was normally distracted during his classes, but he was even more so today. He had a jittery nervous energy and sinking dread hanging over him as it got closer and closer to lunch. He wasn't sure if it would be better or worse if John avoided him then. They weren't meeting after school, and Dirk had been pretty fucking clearly skipping out on that conversation, so there was no need, right? He just didn't want John to look at him like that again. He didn't. It wasn't a look meant for him.

Lunch came and he got his usual worthless sandwich and sat down in his same spot and was almost immediately assaulted by John and some papers.

It took him a minute to absorb his words, but when he did, he sheepishly took the papers and muttered a, "Sorry. You didn't have to do that." Dirk's fuck ups were his own responsibility. But now he definitely had to do the work again, now that John went to all this trouble.

John sat across from him and shook his head, clasping his hands in front of him. 

“It’s okay! Really, it was no problem, she even signed a late slip and everything, so it wasn’t a problem.” 

“Do you need any help? I can definitely help and-“ John cut himself off, hands rhythmically clenching and unclenching in mild irritation with himself before he slowed down and started speaking again. 

“Do you need me to help or would you rather be alone right now?”

Dirk's heart was beating hard and fast in his chest. John was just... a really nice person. Maybe it was just as simple as that. He knew that. It was one of the reasons he had a giant crush on him, but his brain still couldn't process that being applied to him.

"I don't need help," he said, "but... you don't have to go." There was no need to punish John for being nice to him, for being John.

He set aside his sandwich and grabbed a pencil from his bag and started working on the problems, everything going much more quickly since he had already done them.

John nods and watches Dirk work through the papers again, resting his chin atop his hands. 

It was easy enough to watch him work through it, and John realized absentmindedly that he never got lunch but he shrugged it off, this felt a little more important. 

“Thanks for letting me stay, by the way.”

Dirk finished his last problem before he set his pencil down and looked up at John, conflict brewing on his face. John shouldn't be thanking him for that. He should be thanking John.

Instead, what came out was, "You're too nice, you know."

His face heated up, and he immediately wanted to take the words back. "I-I mean-- It's good. Thanks. You're just-- Thanks," he finished lamely.

God he was an idiot.

John’s cheeks flushed and he covered his mouth politely to hide the sudden smile that broke out across his lips.

“Oh, Dirk! Thank you, I just- I think everyone ought to be a little kind, we all deserve kindness.”

Nodding to himself, John just softly went. “Of course, Dirk, of course.”

John's cheeks flushed at what he said, and Dirk's own rose in temperature in response. How did he get that sort of reaction out of him?

He hastily tried to think of something to say, to get another pleasant reaction out of him, but he had spent more of his lunch break doing homework than he thought and the bell rang.

He stood up abruptly, before John could move, and found himself leaning over the table toward him. "I'll-- I'll see you around?" He didn't mean for it to come out as a question. Of course he'd see him around! He had home room with him every morning! Still, he didn't try to take it back.

John’s eyes widened a little behind his glasses and his smile widened as he stood up. “Of course! Hey- how about I give you my number, yeah? We can text and you could come over my place if you’d like, I doubt my dad would mind.”

John rocked up a little on the balls of his feet as he suggested it, eager to hear the other’s response.

Dirk was excited all of two seconds before remembering his situation, that he had Bro and he didn't trust him not to go through his phone. Could this be used against him in any way? He could just say it was someone from school, which it was, and that they had to talk for a project or something, which was also kind of true.

He bit his lip in consideration, then nodded and pulled out his phone to trade numbers.

He'd just delete their conversations as often as he could. That would be fine, right?

John bounced again excitedly, listing his number off to Dirk once, and then again just in case he didn’t catch all of the numbers the first time.

“Okay, I’ve gotta go, have a good day! I hope chem goes well for you, and hey, we can plan our study schedule out together next time.” 

He gave him a little wave before walking off to catch up with his friends and hurry off to class before the late bell rang.

Dirk Strider had John motherfucking Egbert's phone number.

Him.

Just some loser who can't even turn in his homework without a babysitter had John's phone number.

The rest of the day passed by in a pleasant haze. Dirk was practically floating on the high of being able to text his crush. It was difficult to not just text him between classes just because he could.

Calm down, Dirk. Don't be overeager.

Best part is? When he came home after school, Bro was still out.

He made himself a quick meal and brought it to his room and pulled out his phone and stared at it. Was this too soon to text? He hadn't dealt with this before.

Fuck it.

TT: hey

Classic.

John was in the middle of homework when he got Dirk’s text and he smiled to himself, quickly answering.

EB: hey!! what’s up?

He set his phone aside as he continued to work, humming softly to himself as he did so. 

His Dad was at work today but he knew he’d be home soon and they could talk about their days together and de-stress, as they always did.

No one was here, so Dirk could let out a goofy grin when John texted him back.

TT: just chillin out at home

TT: eatin some wicked spicy ramen

TT: you know how it goes

TT: you?

EB: I’m eating some left over kimchi and finishing up hw!

EB: after that I’ll probably just straighten up or something?

EB: who knows, there isn’t much to do :(

John found himself particularly excited at the prospect of talking to someone new, not that talking to his friends was boring, he just loved talking to new people!

Dirk snickered to himself, growing more and more at ease as he typed.

TT: you're such a nerd

TT: don't you have video games to play or something?

TT: instead of just

TT: work

Even Dirk had video games to play

EB: bluh! No! I’m so bad at videos 

EB: I bake a lot with my dad though but it isn’t as much fun alone 

EB: but I like working because it gives my brain and hands something to do! Baking can get pretty mindless after a while 

Now that it was mentioned, perhaps he should take on some new hobbies.

Dirk was now imagining John in an apron.

Dirk needed to stop imagining John in an apron.

TT: love a dude who bakes

TT: I could never get into it

TT: but is that literally all you do?

TT: cook and clean and do homework?

TT: what do you do to wind down

TT: loosen up

TT: chill out

TT: let your fucking hair down

EB: thanks :0 it’s a family tradition so I was bound to learn!

EB: well

EB: I play the piano to relax!

EB: the flow of the music is just so relaxing 

EB: and it all probably sounds pretty boring but it’s mostly about the repetition and the routine 

EB: it just helps me!

Just when he thought he couldn't be more attracted to the dude.

TT: nah that's super cool actually

TT: I'd love to hear you play sometime

Dirk hit send then immediately wished he could take that back. That sounded too flirty, right? Or maybe not? Fuck how did normal people talk?

John perked up at the message and bounced a little where he sat. 

EB: really?? I’d love to!!!

EB: it’s been so long since I’ve been able to play for someone 

He was thrumming with excitement at the prospect of having someone new to play for and also because of how sweet Dirk was. 

It brought another, softer, smile to his face.

Dirk imagined John's excited puppy look and that drew another goofy smile.

TT: sweet hit me up with that concert date and I'll bring the popcorn

He didn't have popcorn

TT: or whatever it is you bring to a concert

He hoped it was nothing

He heard the front door open and close and he cursed

TT: anyway gotta go

TT: see you tomorrow

John’s eyebrows raised in question but he responded regardless.

EB: okay, see you tomorrow, have a good night!! 

He sent it off but found himself wondering about Dirk’s speedy exit. He had only mentioned a brother yesterday, maybe that’s who he lived with? Though, it felt particularly rude to assume without much grounding and he found himself once again slipping into a more worried mindset.

Dirk deleted the texts and put his phone away as he listened intently to the sound of footsteps outside his door.

They didn't get too close, instead heading for the other room and he let out a sigh of relief.

Apparently fucking with him yesterday was enough for a little bit.

He still didn't bother leaving the room for the rest of the night, and even hurriedly did one of his homework assignments, afraid if he spent too long on it or did too much Bro would come bursting in for a repeat. Still. It was something.

Feeling much more relaxed than he felt, like, ever, he eventually laid down and drifted off to sleep.

After about an hour since his conversation with Dirk, John heard his Dad come home and happily hopped out of bed to greet him. 

“Dad!”

“You’re still awake?”

“It isn’t 10, yet, you got off earlier than usual.”

Dad just nods and ruffles John’s hair. “And how was school?”

“It went well, there was a bit of a slip-up with Dirk but after that everything went smoothly.”

“A slip up?” 

“Yeah, something with his dog, but I talked the teacher into giving him another shot.”

Dad gave John a bit of an odd look before nodding. “That was very kind of you.”

John went to sleep pleased with the day and although tired, more than pleased with the eventual start of the next.

Dirk actually felt kind of good when he went to school the next morning. He lingered a bit on his way to home room, hoping to catch sight of John before he went in.

Texting him certainly had not helped with his crush, but, fuck it, he was going to indulge.

John perked you when he saw him, placing a hand on Roxy’s shoulder before quickly making his way over to Dirk.

He resisted the urge to just hug him as he did with most of his other friends and smiled cutely at him.

“Hey, Dirk! Did you sleep well?”

Dirk's lips tilted up slightly into a smile as John greeted him.

God he was so cute.

"Like a fucking baby. How'd your housework go? Everything spotless now?"

“Yep! Everything is dust-free, the floor’s practically sparkling.” He replied with a little laugh, walking beside Dirk was the typical bounce in his step. 

“I’ll bake something when I get home, since there’s nothing else to clean.” As he spoke, he tilted his head up a little to look at where he assumed Dirk was looking at him from behind his shades.

“What about you, how was everything after school yesterday?”

This was nice. Casual. Almost like he did actually have a friend.

"Bro wasn't home so I got to fucking relax. Mostly just fucked around on my phone. Did some homework so the teacher won't think you're slacking at your job. Speaking of which, are we meeting up today?"

He hoped he sounded casually curious rather than desperately hopeful.

“Well, I’m glad you were able to relax. Is your brother usually home?” He asked curiously, noting that every time Dirk has mentioned his brother, there was always an air of feigned disinterest or forced relaxation behind it. 

John beamed up at Dirk when he heard the rest, feeling uncharacteristic pride. 

“Good job, Dirk! And yes, we are, I don’t know how long we’ll spend on everything but we can stay as long as you need to.”

Dirk flushed at the praise, not sure how to handle it, and also not sure how to handle the question about Bro.

He shrugged, aiming for casual again. "Not usually until late, just the other day--" he stopped, realizing what he was about to say. He shrugged again and forced a laugh. "Big brothers, you know? What a pain."

John tilted his head, unable to hide the worry that crossed his face as he heard Dirk backtracking and stuttering. 

“I don't... Really know, I don’t have a brother. It’s just my dad and I but I think, at the heart of it all.. Big brother are supposed to be there for you.”

Dirk frowned. "You don't really know," he snapped. John shouldn't be worried. John shouldn't get close to being involved in this. At the same time, Dirk immediately felt guilty for snapping.

They had reached home room and he said, "I'll see you after school, okay?" Assuming John wouldn't want to see him at lunch after that. Then he went to his seat.

John shifted back a little when Dirk snapped, unsure of what to say when he walked off, sighing.

Glancing between his seat and Dirk, he decided it may have been best to let him cool down and went to his own seat. 

He wondered if he’d pushed a little too hard with the constant questions.

His happy bubble burst, Dirk went back to barely paying attention in class, though he didn't miss the shocked expression when he handed in his work. He's glad the teacher didn't say anything. No need to make a spectacle out of it.

When lunch time came, he didn't even bother getting his meager sandwich -- he just wasn't hungry. He just sat down at his usual table and just, well, anyone would call it brooding but he basically just spaced out, regretting snapping at John, but uncomfortable where the line of questions was leading.

John invited him to his house, what if he was expected to invite John back to his? Absolutely out of the question, of course, but figuring out how to avoid it might be weird. John was already giving him odd looks when he let too many things slip as it was.

“Should I leave him alone for the rest of the day?”

Roxy shrugged and ruffled John’s hair. “I don’t know, hon, why don’t you go over there and ask him. You never know unless you try, and he looks like a kicked puppy over there.”

John’s eyes made their way over to Dirk and he nodded in agreement. “Oh, he isn’t even eating, oh no.”

Karkat made a face that John came to associate with mild disgust at his friend’s over enthusiastically soft nature.

“Stop picking up strays, John.”

“Don’t be mean, he isn’t a stray. I’m going to go check on him and make sure he’s alright.” Roxy patted his hand and smiled and Karkat shrugged. 

“Have fun or whatever.”

John sat down across from Dirk quietly, tilting his head a little to meet his best approximation of Dirk’s eyes. 

“Hey, there.. How are we feeling?”

Dirk resisted the urge to chew his lip, which meant he stared at John with a blank expression for a few seconds, then said, "I'm sorry for snapping at you. You don't have to keep talking to me if you don't want to."

“It’s alright, Dirk, thank you for apologizing, I really appreciate that. I’m sorry I was asking so many questions, especially so early in the morning, that must have been overwhelming.”

John clasped his hands together on the table and tried a small smile aimed at the other.

Dirk weakly smiled back, not going up further than his typical corner of the mouth twitch. "We're cool, and that's what counts. You don't gotta keep watchin after me, y'know. You can sit with your friends again."

“Yeah, it is and don’t worry about that. I don’t mind it, honestly but,” John rested his chin in his hands and tilted his head towards the table his friends were at.

“You could always come sit with us if you’d like.”

Dirk's face heated up at the thought. Part of him said it would be so easy to go over there and sit down and join in with John's friends and stop monopolizing John's time and maybe... even enjoy himself.

But then he thought about Bro. How much harder it would be to lie and sidestep questions. What Bro might do if he found out he was enjoying his time at school a little too much. What his potential new friends might do if they found out about his home life. Who would want to stick around him after that?

He shook his head. "I'd prefer to eat here."

John’s face fell but he nodded, eyes closing for a moment before speaking.

“That’s okay, I understand. I don’t mind staying here with you though, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.”

He gave what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

Dirk's heart ached at the disappointment on John's face, but he was relieved he accepted it so easily.

He sat for a moment, awkwardly, unsure of what to say next.

Then he realized that he didn't actually know much about John's school schedule, not that John knew a ton about his, but still, they should at least be on equal footing. "What class do you have next?"

John perked up a little upon hearing Dirk’s question.

“I have art next! I’m not the best at it but it’s still a good credit and extracurricular to have, it’s important to be well-rounded.”

Dirk went soft around the eyes (not that John could see) at his happy response. "Art's cool. What kinda art you like doin most? Don't tell me you're some sort of renaissance man with the fuckin piano and now this."

John laughed, snorting softly as he covered his mouth before shaking his head.

“I’m pretty bad at sculpting or anything but the teacher says I’m pretty good with sketching and painting. It’s nice enough to pass, at the very least.”

Dirk drank up the laughter. John's laughter for him.

"Well, you should show me your work sometime. Take me on my own art gallery showing and follow it up with a private concert. Make a night out of it."

Okay wait hold up that was definitely flirting, right? Shit

John’s cheeks lit up pink and he ducked his head a little, before nodding a little, mostly to himself. 

“If you’d.. Like? I mean- that was probably a joke but we definitely could.”

He could feel Roxy’s eyes on him, she was so going to tease him about this.

John turning pink meant Dirk's own cheeks were heating up as well. He put his chin on his hand and looked away then mumbled, "Wasn't jokin. Think it's cool."

John’s eyes lit up and he bounced a little in his seat, leaning forward on the table.

“Really? That’s so cool! When can you come over, I know my Dad wouldn’t mind at all!”

Dirk thinks about it. Bro usually isn't home until late, and he spends most of the weekend out, but he may try to surprise him at home more after the incident the other day...

There really was no predicting him -- Dirk had never really had a reason to not be in the apartment.

He shrugged. "Whenever you're free, dude."

John nodded and mentally ran through his Dad’s work schedule. He didn’t have a problem with Dirk and his dad being at the house at the same time but there was the fact that his dad could be a bit overbearing.

He also had to factor in the fact that it’s been a while since he’s brought anyone home, and he was sure that his father would probably think that Dirk was a date and not a friend.

“I’m pretty free on Friday and my Dad won’t be home until late that day, so it’d just be us if that’s alright with you.”

That sounded fan-fucking-tastic to Dirk. Parents always asked too many questions.

He tried not to seem too eager when he nodded and said, "It's a da-- Yeah. That works." Terrible recovery.

The bell for lunch rang and it was only now that Dirk realized he was, in fact, hungry. Oh well. Not like those cheese sandwiches were the most filling things. He hoped John didn't hear the growl his stomach gave above the bell and said, "I'll see you after school, then. Same table."

John glanced down briefly before looking back at Dirk and nodding. 

“Yeah, okay! Just let me know everything we need to work on and we’ll do it.” He reminded him.

“See you later, Dirk.”

John found himself at the library a little early, his last class was a study hall so now he was here after he realized that he didn’t actually have to stay in the class.

“Yeah, Dad, I know. I called you because I know you’ll be at work by the time I get home. Love you, bye, I have to go, it’s another study session!”

By the time Dirk showed up, John was already there, which was surprising since Dirk had headed straight there the second the bell rang.

He raised his eyebrows in question as he sat down at the table and pulled out his books, but didn't ask. If the dude wanted to play hooky to get to the library earlier, that was fine with Dirk.

"You got any homework to work on?" he asked instead.

“Nope, not today! I finished it all in study hall, for once. That class is usually good for a nap but I just found out that I don’t actually have to stay. That’s why I’m here so early.”

Lightly clapping his hands together, John sat up straight and focused his attention on Dirk.

“So! What are we working on today?”

Ah, so he didn't skip. Damn. He chided himself for being a little disappointed in that. Of course John didn't skip!

Dirk pulled out his books. "English and history. All the other stuff I could do in my sleep."

He didn't comment on the fact that the problem is he hadn't been doing it, not that he couldn't.

"American history is just such a snooze fest I can never focus on it by myself."

Again, not that he ever particularly tried.

He started reading through the sections, answering questions on his paper as things popped up.

John nodded as he listened. “Yeah, I suppose it can be pretty boring at times. Isn’t it interesting though, how all these things have happened but only so much of it is even documented?”

He leaned forward a little to watch Dirk as he worked, patiently remaining quiet so that the other could do so uninterrupted until he asked for help.

"Pretty fuckin horrifying, if you ask me. How much of what we're learning about is even true?" he muttered, not really expecting an answer.

He went through the problems quickly enough, occasionally scrunching up his nose at pieces of the text that seemed especially warped from the truth. But soon enough he was moving onto his English assignment, which was thankfully more grammar and sentence structure than it was interpretation.

“Probably not much.” John muttered back absentmindedly, occasionally checking his phone if he gets a notification or to check the time. 

It was nice watching Dirk work his way through, and he didn’t want to break his concentration with mindless rambling and unneeded comments.

Dirk finished his English assignment fairly quickly, too, and he reached to grab out his math when he caught sight of John checking his phone and he was suddenly very self conscious of the fact that he was basically wasting this dude's time.

"This must be real fuckin boring for you. You don't have to stay here, you know. I won't say anything if you want to dip out."

“Mm? Oh, no, no it’s not a problem, really. I don’t mind at all and I wouldn’t have decided to help you if I just left when it’s convenient for me, that’s not helping anything, really.”

John explained softly as he focused back on Dirk’s face rather than the paper. 

“Now, do you need help with anything?”

Dirk suddenly felt bad for being so good at his homework. "No, I think I got it."

He finished up his next two assignments with ease, and he was about to shove his papers in his bag again when he froze, remembering what happened last time. Sure, it ended up working out, but he couldn't have John constantly getting him extra worksheets and he didn't want to do the same homework more than once if he could help it.

He tapped the papers with his fingers, then said, "Hey, uh, d'ya think you could... take these home with you?" What excuse had he used before? Oh, right. "You know. So my dog doesn't get them again."

“Hm? Oh, uh, sure! Yeah, I think that sounds like a good idea.” John gave him a reassuring smile, gaze soft as he gently took the papers , carefully aligning them all before putting them in his bag. 

“Okay! I guess we’d better get going.” John stated as he stood, leaning against the table as he watched Dirk for a moment before speaking. “I hope the rest of your day is good.”

Dirk still felt kind of queasy as he had John take his homework. How pathetic.

It took him a second to process what John had said. "Oh! Yeah. You, too," he said, then gathered up his bag and headed out.

Thankfully, Bro wasn't there when he got home, so he made another bowl of ramen and huddled up in his room, part of him stupidly wanting to text John even though he had literally just seen him.

Instead he fucked around on his computer, making stupid little browser games and endless loop programs to pass the time.

EB: Dirk!

EB: quick question 

EB: are you allergic to strawberries?

After John sent the texts off he stared at the three loaves of strawberry bread that sat cooling on the counter. 

So, he’d went a little overboard, it was no big deal, every Egbert goes a little too far with the baking.

Dirk's heart jumped when he saw the text notification from John, and it beat hard in his chest at the implication of the question. He did say he was going to bake today, Dirk just never thought he would be part of the equation. Best to confirm.

TT: Not that I'm aware of

He only had strawberries a couple of times. Fresh fruit wasn't really Bro's thing.

TT: why

TT: trying to learn my weaknesses?

TT: good luck don't fucking have any

EB: good!

EB: you know what 

EB: I’m more than sure you don’t :)

EB: would you like a loaf of strawberry bread? I baked too many 

He hoped he said yes, he wasn’t sure he could keep forcing baked goods on Roxy and her mother.

Okay that backfired and now Dirk had to deal with how fucking cute and sincere John was.

TT: hell yeah free food

TT: never say no to free food

TT: allergic or not

TT: plus I've been wanting to try your baking

TT; only makes sense I get the full picture

TT: see if that family legacy is all it's cracked up to be

John smiled at his messages and bounced a little on his toes before he paused as he realized something. 

EB: !!!!! 

EB: I sure hope it does, I kneaded it by hand and everything 

EB: you know 

EB: now that I’ve offered it to you I’ve realized that I’ve subsequently left you with the task of leaving a loaf of bread in your locker and having you carry it home 

EB: sorry about that

Dirk snorted to himself.

TT: you say that like I'm not going to down the whole fucking thing at school

Maybe he'd save some to stash in his closet, but he also didn't want to risk Bro deciding to go through his bag again.

Well, that solved itself.

EB: if you eat more than half of this I’ll be very surprised 

EB: also 

EB: would you like me to leave it whole or do you want me to slice it?

Challenge accepted.

TT: doesn't matter to me

TT: slice it up if you're feeling fancy I guess

TT: or you're so antsy you need more to do with your hands

TT: now that your baking's all done

TT: maybe knife tricks can be your next ridiculously cool hobby

EB: I’ll slice it for you 

EB: I imagine it’d be a little easier to eat at the very least 

EB: hahaha that sounds like a bad idea 

EB: I’m very clumsy and I like all my fingers firmly attached to my body 

Now, to find a knife and would it be easier to individually wrap them and separate the slices in a Tupperware to leave it in the typical loaf shape? He’ll figure it out when he gets there.

TT: damn

TT: and here I thought you were going to be a jack of all trades

Wait, did that sound too serious? 

TT: but thanks

TT: I mean seriously

TT: you don't have to do this shit for me

But Dirk loved it. Like he was being doted upon. For a second he could almost pretend his feelings weren't one sided.

Stupid.

EB: :D!!!

EB: of course!!

EB: you’re so welcome Dirk, it’s literally not a problem at all 

Tupperware and separate pieces, it’d keep it from hardening any. 

John smiled to himself, pleasantly warm with the feelings that came from being able to help and care for someone.

Dirk was glad he was alone because just the thought of John's excited face brought a blush to his own.

TT: how did I luck out and get you as a tutor

TT: free food and everything

The front door opened and closed and there was a call of, "Diiiirk!"

TT: gotta go

Dirk deleted the messages and stepped reluctantly out of his room to see Bro standing in the living room.

"What?" he asked, maybe sharper than he should have.

"Oho! Baby bro has an attitude now." He closed the space between them in a few long strides and patted Dirk on the cheek. Dirk hates that he flinched. It made Bro grin wide. "Just making sure you're still alive. I don't get to see you nearly enough. Maybe if you ask nicely I'll order us a pizza Friday."

"I have plans," Dirk said.

He immediately regretted it. Bro's face hardened for a split second then went back to neutral.

"Not trying to leave me, are ya, kid? Not trying to get too used to having friends? They won't stick with you. They never have."

Dirk's heart sunk, but he tried not to let it show. "It's for a project," he lied.

Bro smirked. "Sure it is. You have fun with your new friend, then. While you can."

Dirk understood the dismissal and immediately started back to his room, ignoring Bro's chuckle as he left.

John glanced at his phone, watching Dirk’s speedy exit just in time to hear the front door open.

“John?”

“I’m in the kitchen, Dad!”

Now, he supposes he can give this other loaf to Karkat.

“Oh my.”

“Hey, Dad! Sorry about the bread, I went a little overboard.” John explained as he grabbed a nice and started slicing the bread, it was cool enough for it now.

“I see. Any particular reason?”

“I was thinking, and it’s so easy to just keep baking when you’re doing that. I invited Dirk over, I’m going to play the piano for him. I’m kind of nervous.”

“Nervous?”

“Yeah, don’t want to mess anything up!” Setting the knife aside, he started wrapping the slices, putting them aside into the Tupperware beside him.

“It’s been so long since I’ve played for someone new, Dad, and it’s a little weird but I kind of want to impress him to the best of my ability.”

Dad laughed softly under his breath and patted John on the head as he walked past. “Do you have a crush, John?”

“A cr-crush on Dirk? No, no no no, I-“

“John?”

“Yes?”

“I love you and I’ll always love you, no matter who you love.”

John rested his hands on the counter and leaned forward a little before nodding. “I know.”

“Tell him that he can keep the Tupperware.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk assumes the worst.
> 
> John struggles with what he wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a short reference to some mild homophobia in this one, but I promise it's not the focus of this and we won't touch on it a whole lot.

“Good morning, Dirk!” John had a pleased smile on his face and he was dragging Roxy along behind him.

Dirk warily eyed the new person, already in a bit of a weird mood that morning, but immediately put more on edge. "Mornin'."

John held the bread out to him with a slight smile. “I individually wrapped them, that way they’ll stay soft longer than store bought bread, you can keep the tupper, we have too many.”

“Individually sliced and wrapped,” Roxy winked at Dirk. “He must like you.” With a ruffle of John’s hair, Roxy was walking away, leaving John to flush and sputter.

Dirk took the bread, wondering what to do with the tupperware later. Maybe he could hide it in his closet? A thought for another time.

He was about to thank John, then he heard what Roxy said and flushed, red going to the tips of his ears.

John was flushing and sputtering, too, and Dirk felt bad. Must not like the insinuation he was into dudes.

"Thanks, but you can stop doin this if you don't want your friends to tease you about, you know, that."

Dirk hadn't had many people go out of their way to be nice, but when he was in middle school, there were plenty who teased any boys who did because obviously they had a big gay crush on the openly gay dude.

“Of course, it’s no problem, and really, Dirk, I don’t mind at all, it’s better than it going to waste.” John replied before he caught up with the rest of what Dirk said.

“What do you mean?”

Dirk was embarrassed now. He thought it was obvious and John was uncomfortable with it but apparently it wasn't obvious and now Dirk might sound like a dick.

He rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged into his shoulders, unable to look at John. "Y'know. 'Cuz I'm gay 'n stuff. People don' usually like the insinuation that they're int' me." His words came out short and mumbled and sheepish as all hell. He never had to explain this to anyone before. It was just an unspoken thing.

“Oh! You- you thought Roxy was-“ John could tell he was turning red, remembering what his Dad said to him last night as well.

“Not to, not say that you aren’t attractive because you are-“ Look at that, he has a shovel and he’s just digging this hole deeper. “But I’m not, I just don’t know and it’d be rude and ungentlemanly of me to- to lead you on or..” John stopped talking for a moment to rock a little on his heels before speaking again, slower. 

“I think you’re very attractive and nice but I.. don’t know what I’m doing with my own sexuality and maybe I just should have said no instead of dumping this all on you, I’m sorry, I should go.”

John searched Dirk’s face before frowning to himself and quickly walking, anxious at the fact that they share a class.

Dirk wanted a hole to open up in the ground and swallow him. He couldn't say anything while John was talking, his stomach on a roller coaster as John called him attractive then pretty firmly said that he might not even be into dudes which Dirk already knew and.... He just stood there, staring, not trusting his face to show any emotion, until John awkwardly walked off.

Dirk robotically went to his locker to stash the bread, then he slammed his head into it a few times until he was sure his forehead was red.

He lingered in the hallway until the bell rang, then slipped into the room and avoided looking at John.

Then the teacher was coming to take his assignment.

Fuck.

John still had his assignments! She would probably think John had done them for him or something instead of just holding onto them because how the fuck could he explain that? John might be polite enough to not say anything about his obvious lie, but the teacher wouldn't.

Dog ate my homework. Really, Dirk? That's what you went with.

He just slumped in his seat and avoided looking up.

John found himself not paying much attention to what was actually happening in class, too busy analyzing everything he’d said to Dirk earlier.

Well, there was no coming back from that.

His eyes tracked the teacher almost absentmindedly as she went around to collect the homework until he rather viscerally remembered that he was the one with Dirk’s homework and that there was no way that’d look good, not at all, and it wasn’t like he just couldn’t hand it in, it wasn’t his, and how appropriate would it be of him to cry in class because of how overstimulated he was of his own emotions?

Taking a shuddering breath, John smiled at the teacher in a way that he hoped was polite and not “please don’t yell at me” as he handed in the work and just mouthed “I’ll talk to you after class”.

He was more than thankful when she only nodded and took their papers without a fuss.

Dirk risked a glance up to see John hand in his papers. Great. He almost would have preferred to just fail that day. What if John gets in trouble? Also he... didn't look great. Shaky. Goddamnit why hadn't he just kept his mouth shut? This is exactly what he had been trying to avoid.

He rushes out the door the second class is over. He can't take this. John is probably going to cancel hanging out tomorrow, going to ask to be removed from being his tutor, going to avoid him... All because Dirk had to put him in an awkward fucking situation while he was trying to sidestep doing exactly that. He should have known that would have just flown over John's head. John's not like that, both in the sense that he's straight and he's not mean or upset about other people not being.

Because John is a good guy who Dirk likes a whole hell of a lot and not only did he fuck up a friendship he was also pretty solidly rejected.

God this day needed to end.

John thinks he’s got a pretty solid handle on his emotions by the time class comes to an end, he can even Dirk didn’t book it for the door, really! 

He knows avoidance of his emotions isn’t good, nor is it healthy, but he’d be damned if it wasn’t so easy.

“You wanted to talk to me, John? I’ll go on a limb and say it’s about Dirk’s homework.”

John nodded, clasping his hands together as he started to speak. 

“It.. Probably looks really bad and, I, yeah, I didn’t want you to think he hadn’t done it because he definitely did but-“

“John, slow down, I know. I think it’s safe to say you didn’t read through Dirk’s responses. They’re all right, but they’re very.. Dirk.” 

The teacher turned the paper to John and he skimmed it, laughing softly under his breath at the answers. 

“Yeah.. You’re right about that.”

By the time lunch came around, John was considering just leaving school, home felt like such a safe place but it would feel better to give Dirk a real apology, he knew that much at the very least.

Dirk didn't bother getting a sandwich again, he just grabbed the tupperware of bread from his locker and headed to his usual table. He just stared at it, though, not sure if he even should eat it after everything with John, even if he also knew that was stupid. He just picked at the lid of the box, mulling over if he was even hungry enough to have any, since he still felt ill from the stress of the morning.

John quietly sat across from Dirk, briefly eyeing the bread like it was personally the cause for how he was feeling before he spoke. 

“You don’t have to listen to me or anything if you don’t want to I just wanted to say that I’m sorry if I said anything that would have hurt you in any way and storming off because you could respond was even worse. It’s not your fault or anything, though, that was on me.”

Dirk wanted to say that it was his fault and it did hurt. His long standing feelings ached in his chest as he looked at the boy sitting across from him.

"It's fine. Sorry I made things awkward. I'll understand if you don't want me over tomorrow anymore." He tried to keep his expression even, and he thought he did a pretty good job of it. The shades definitely help.

John’s brow furrowed and he shook his head minutely. 

“It’s fine, you can still come over. You didn’t.. make things awkward in the way you think you did.”

Dirk, for the lack of a better word, confused him, in a way that he was not emotionally used to. It was making John question himself in a way he’d long since shoved into a box in the back of his mind.

What the fuck did that mean? Whatever, Dirk was relieved he could still head over. A bright spot in this roller coaster of a week.

"Okay. Cool. I think."

Now to just keep his cool when he's at his crush's house. Alone. After being thoroughly rejected. Cool. That's fine. Keep it together, Dirk.

John nodded to himself, staring down at his hands for a moment before looking back towards Dirk.

The apology didn’t feel like it helped at all, but at least they weren’t avoiding each other?

John was quiet for a moment before softly going, “the teacher was fine with it, by the way, we aren’t in trouble or anything like that.”

Oh. Dirk hadn't even thought to ask about that. Which honestly he felt terrible about because he was more worried about John getting in trouble than himself.

"You're always sticking your neck out for me. This is how many times in less than a week? You don't even know me."

Ah yes, the classic Strider show of appreciation.

John smiled at Dirk softly, or rather, he hoped it was soft, it felt more worried than anything.

“Just because I don't really know you doesn’t mean I won’t do right by you. I don’t have any reason to not treat you with the same kindness I give my friends.”

Dirk frowned, and focused back down on the tupperware, fiddling with it some more. This was weird. John was weird. Or, more likely, Dirk was weird, but he just wasn't used to this. Didn't know how to handle it. It went against everything he knew, all his experience.

"Thanks."

“Of course, you’re welcome.” 

John pushed a stray strand of hair behind his ear as he watched Dirk in a way that he hoped was subtle. 

He didn’t really know much about Dirk. He sort of reminded him of Karkat, however, in his reluctant way to accept kindness from him.

Dirk was having a hard time looking at John. He didn't know where to look except down at the bread.

The bread, which he realized, he should be eating.

It was... kind of awkward with John being here, but he did his best to nonchalantly open the tupperware and unwrap a slice. The smell of strawberries and sweet hit him immediately, and his mouth already started watering. He took a bite and closed his eyes at the heavenly, light taste and the soft texture. He quickly finished eating that slice and started on another before he remembered to say, "This is, uh, really fucking good. Family legacy secured, dude."

John absolutely beamed when he heard that, clasping his hands together and bouncing a little.

“Oh, I’m so glad! I was worried I’d over-kneaded the dough or I hadn’t added enough strawberries. They just don’t stay fresh long and you have to be quick about it.”

Dirk smiled a little through another mouthful, maybe a little more than a single upticked lip because that sort of thing was hard to control with a mouth full of food.

"I think if it were any better it would be literal ambrosia and eating it would grant me godhood. Seriously. This is good shit. Thanks for giving some to me."

If Dirk didn't already have a crush on the dude, his baking plus how fucking happy he looked would have done the trick in a heartbeat.

John was glowing a little under Dirk’s compliments, and it was steadily erasing those feelings of unease.

“You’re welcome. And if by some miracle you do eat all of that, I have another spare loaf left.”

It was now Dirk's mission to finish eating that loaf before the end of the day.

"Noted."

He downed another slice and was about to dig into yet another (what? he was a growing boy) when the bell rang. He reluctantly packed the bread back up and said, "I'll see you after class for that second loaf," then grabbed his things and headed to class.

John smiled at the nodded. “Yes, I’m sure of it.”

John watched him walk away and his shoulders slumped a bit. He was glad things were able to go back to normal, or at the very least, close but now he was tired.

He supposed that he could sleep in study hall.

Dirk absolutely couldn't take food into his chemistry class, but the rest of his classes were fine with him munching on the bread, and no one talked to him enough for anyone to ask to have any to share, so by the end of the day, the bread was eaten, Dirk was stuffed so full he might lay down and never get up, and he was excited to take a second loaf from John and stash it in his closet to snack on throughout the weekend.

He remembered John had study hall for his last class, so when the bell rings, he heads over in that direction, hoping he didn't leave early again.

John woke up at the sound of the bell ringing, grumbling uncomfortably to himself as he sat up.

He hoped his glasses hadn’t left a mark on his face from where he was sleeping.

Standing up and grabbing his bag, he slung it on his shoulder, unsure if he was feeling better or just more tired as he walked out of the classroom.

Spotting Dirk, he gave him a tired smile. “Hey, there.”

Dirk was not prepared for the absolutely adorable, tired smile on John's face, complete with little lines where his glasses had pressed into his face from an obvious nap.

Dirk smiles lightly back, bread temporarily forgotten. "Have a good nap?"

John nodded a little. “Yeah, it was good enough. I’m sure my back will regret it later though, it wasn’t the best angle to sleep at.” He explained with a slight shrug.

Dirk had an odd urge to offer a back massage, but he resisted. No need to be a creep.

Why was he here again?

Oh yeah.

"Still got a spare loaf?" he asked, shaking his empty Tupperware for emphasis.

John’s eyebrows rose a little. 

“You actually ate it all, I’m impressed.” 

It was a warming feeling to know that Dirk actually enjoyed what he’d baked and that he wanted more of it.

“I’ll bring it tomorrow! If you don’t eat it all here, I suggest trying it with coffee.”

John looked away sleepily before bouncing a little on his toes. “Do you know what time you’ll be over tomorrow? If you’re going straight there or if you’re going home first, I mean.”

Dirk paused and realized he had no idea how he was getting to John's, or getting back. His face went blank as he thought. He didn't have the money for an uber or the bus, if a bus even went near John's. There's no way Bro would take him there or pick him up. John already said his dad wouldn't be home... Maybe he could just... go home with John? And then figure out how to get back when it came to that.

"I, uh, don't have a ride," he admitted.

“Hm? Oh that’s alright, Dirk, I can drive you. Will you need a ride back home too? I don’t mind it.”

Sometimes, Dirk worried him, in subtle ways. Like the fact that one person can’t eat an entire loaf of bread unless they’re exceptionally hungry, and he’s assuming without water, nonetheless.

He kept his expression soft and hoped that his worry didn’t show through.

Oh, sweet, John could drive. That certainly helped things. He was worried about being dropped off, but he supposed he could get John to drop him off at the convenience store around the block and he could just walk the rest of the way. That way there was no risk of running into Bro.

"That would be great, thanks. Should I bring anything over?" Not that he had anything to bring over.

“You can bring anything if you want, I can’t think of anything though.” John explained, rocking up on his feet a little. 

“Is there anything we need to hash out?”

Dirk thought for a second. "Nah, let's just play it by ear. I'll see you tomorrow, dude."

With a last little wave, Dirk headed back home to a thankfully empty apartment.

“John?”

“Yes, Dad, what’s up?”

“Your study hall teacher called me today, have you been feeling well? Taking your medication and everything?”

John shrugged. “I guess? I’m not skipping meds or anything if that’s what you’re asking. I’m just tired.”

Dad nodded and ruffled John’s hair, pushing his bangs back to press a soft kiss to his forehead.

“I love you.”

“Love you too, Dad.”

Only somewhat odd encounter with Dad aside, John found himself straightening his room up and dusting off his piano.

He prepared Dirk’s bread exactly as he did the day before, frayed nerves soothed by the repetitive work.

“Dad?”

“Yes, John?”

“You.. You wouldn’t look at me differently if I wasn’t straight, would you?”

“John?”

“Yes?”

“I’ll tell you this as many times as I need to. You are my son, and I will always love you. Now, tell me about this date of yours.”

“It’s not a date, I don’t think. Oh god, do you think it’s a date? I feel bad now, we had a bit of a disagreement earlier and he probably thinks I shot him down or something! Is it too late to text him? It’ll probably be awkward again if I don’t, maybe I should tell him it’s okay if it is?”

His father watched him ramble and flurry around the kitchen, washing his hands and grabbing his phone, placing it down again nervously before throwing his hands up into the air.

“Maybe I should let him text me first?”

“He can’t read your mind, John.”

“Bluh! I know!”

EB: hey can I ask you something?

EB: it’s a good something though so don’t worry!!

Dirk was practically in a food coma, and he was extra glad the apartment was empty. He didn't have the energy to fight with Bro.

The ding of a text message roused him out of his drowsy haze and he grabbed his phone. Maybe John had forgotten he did need to bring something?

TT: well as long as it's a good something

Despite John's assurance not to worry, Dirk found his heart rate ticking up in anxious anticipation. It was probably just if he wanted more baked goods, which the answer would definitely be yes.

John bounced a little on his feet, shuffling uncomfortably as he forced himself to keep texting.

EB: uhhh

EB: I’m sorry if this is a little weird 

EB: was this intended to be a date? It’s okay, it can totally be a date!!

EB: dates are good, fun, even 

Dad laughed softly at the deep flush on John’s face.

Dirk calmly set down his phone. He grabbed his pillow with the utmost precision and pressed it to his face. And Dirk screamed. Like, a lot.

"What is even happening?" he asked the uncaring world.

Or maybe the caring world.

He wasn't even sure if his name was Dirk anymore.

How to respond to this? This dream fucking come true after the heartbreak of this morning? What a fucking whiplash.

TT: remember that thing you said about not wanting to lead me on, John?

TT: because I believe this fits the definition of "leading me on"

TT: unless you're serious

TT: are you serious John?

TT: this is Dirk

TT: the person you had a wildly different conversation with this morning

TT: just in case

TT: you know

TT: you were texting the wrong person about a date

TT: in which case forget everything that i said

Or alternatively, strike him down now, before he shoved his foot even farther down his throat.

“He thinks I’m kidding! Or-or being, I don’t know, obtuse!”

“John, don’t raise your voice in the house.”

“Sorry, Dad. What do I say?”

“I can’t guide this conversation for you and you’ve gotten this far without my input.”

John made a grumbling noise as he responded to Dirk.

EB: yes I know 

EB: I’m sorry about that again 

EB: I realized I might have been reading this wrong 

EB: and maybe it was a date? Or did I convolute the initial feelings and this was not intended to be a date 

EB: oh no no no I’m sorry 

EB: but it would be very ungentlemanly of me to 

EB: place your feelings below my own even if I am confused about my own 

EB: you confuse me because you’re not like anyone ever and that scared me a little because I’m not even sure I’m straight!

EB: oh that was a lot I’m sorry 

John muttered something as he collapsed down on the couch beside his Dad.

This wasn't real. This was a dream. He was giving John a sexuality crisis?

Deep breaths, Dirk. You can do this.

TT: It was not intended as a date

TT: Because I did not want to make you uncomfortable

TT: But

TT: If you want

TT: It can totally be a date

Okay, that's way too passive, grow a pair, dude.

TT: In fact

TT: I would very much like it to be one

TT: If that's okay with you

“Oh.”

Dad glanced over at the other and he raised an eyebrow.

“He asked me if I’d be okay with a date, which I think is the equivalent of asking me on date.”

Dad laughed softly as John muttered under his breath as he responded, the smile on his face steadily growing a little more as he typed.

EB:!!!!

EB: I would 

EB: definitely like that 

EB: quite a lot!!

Oh god oh no oh what was happening this was all too much.

He was literally going to explode from joy and panic and excitement and anxiety all at once. He pinched himself, just to make sure.

TT: cool

TT: then it's a date

EB: okay 

EB: cool 

John sat his phone down on the arm of the couch, taking his glasses off to hide his face in his hands. 

“John?”

“I have a date.”

“Mmhm.”

“I have a date.”

“And, par of course, there are rules to dates. I’ll be at work, you’ll both have the house to yourselves and that means all clothes stay on-“

“Dad! Oh my god-“

Dirk stared at his phone a bit longer to see if John was going to say anything else, and when he didn't, Dirk set his phone down, took off his shades, and smothered his face into the pillow, trying to calm his breathing.

He had a date.

He had a date!

With John fucking Egbert! His crush of the past couple of years!

God, what did he wear? What could he bring? He'd think of something. Probably.

Whatever, that was tomorrow morning's problem. For now, he'd relish in the giddy excitement bubbling in his chest.

“What do I even wear?”

“Well, you’ll be here at home, wear something comfortable but casual, don’t overdress and don’t underdress.”

“Okay, uh, should I bake something? I think I’m going to bake something. I think I’ll make a strawberry tiramisu, we have so many strawberries.” John was standing up and walking away as he spoke, ears red with embarrassment but the excitement was still clear in his eyes. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Date night.

“Good morning, Dirk! I forgot to ask for your Tupperware yesterday so I just a brought a new one! You can keep that one too, I made strawberry cream cheese too, we have a lot of strawberries at home, Dad grows them, I’m sorry I’m talking so much I’m just.. Nervous.”

Dirk reddened as soon as John approached him. He accepted the tupperware and fiddled with it as he tried to school his expression.

"Thanks. And you're fine. I like hearing you talk." The sentences came out in stilted bursts, as though he didn't trust himself to talk for extended periods of time.

This was going great.

John’s cheeks burned red and he looked away, rubbing his hand over the back of his neck as he shuffled from side to side a little.

“Oh, uh, thanks Dirk, you’re... Really sweet.” John was no stranger to compliments but Dirk’s just felt so sincere.

Dirk hummed an acknowledgement, not sure of what to say, and thankfully the bell rang overhead. Well, not super thankfully because there was no graceful exit to be made. They were going to the same class.

"Shall we?" he asked, gesturing with his head.

John nodded and smiled, happily following Dirk into the school as he rambled. 

“I baked a cake by the way! Just something small to tide us over.” He explained, hands clasped together in front of him, rhythmically locking and unlocking his fingers.

Dirk chuckled. "You're going to spoil me, dude. You tryin' to fatten me up or somethin? Not that I'm complaining."

“Well..” John gave him a sideward glance and shrugged. “A cake or two never hurt anyone.”

Which was a bit hypocritical since he didn’t even eat cake.

Dirk smiled.

This was nice. He could do this. No awkwardness at all.

They reached the classroom and Dirk started to head to his seat, then stopped and asked, "See you at lunch?"

John smiled warmly at him and nodded once, firmly.

“I’ll see you at lunch.”

John is more than certain that lunch couldn’t come fast enough, because if it did he wouldn’t be spending the class before it being teased at by Roxy.

“He is cute, ain’t he? All cool and mysterious.”

“Oh look at that, the bell, gotta go, Rox! I’ll talk to you and Karkat later, kisses, bye!”

He tried not to appear too eager as he made his way to the cafeteria.

Dirk was already eating the bread by the time John came to greet him. He's nervous, suddenly, or maybe not so suddenly, as though eating lunch together was now a more charged affair.

"How're classes going?" he asked.

“Classes are going well! Not much to complain about, really. What about you? Has your percentage in class start to go up any?”

It was asked warmly, with pride tinting his tone.

Dirk flushed at the tone in John's voice. He shrugged sheepishly. "Too soon to tell, I think. But the teachers have stopped looking shocked when I hand something in which is an improvement, I guess."

Two pieces of the bread were already gone and Dirk started in on a third before remembering he should probably pace himself since John also baked him a cake.

Reluctantly, he closed up the Tupperware and finished his slice.

“That’s good! With all the work you’re getting in, it should go right up!”

John watched in amusement as Dirk hesitantly stopped eating, smiling at him in a way that was soft and gentle.

"I guess," he said. Dirk still wasn't convinced grades were at all important, but he wanted the teacher to know John was doing a good job. And he wanted John to smile at him like that some more.

It felt odd that he had so little he could think to talk to John about then, like his brain was trying to save it all until he was at the boy's house that evening. He felt he should be a better conversationalist than that.

"How's, uh, art going?"

“It’s going well enough. The teacher said I should try out an art class in college but who knows.” John pushed his hair back a little only for it to fall back down into his face.

“What about, how‘s chemistry?”

Dirk smirked a little. "I knew you were being overly humble. Chemistry's fine. Still lighting shit in fire."

This time he was actually recording notes on why he was lighting things on fire.

John laughed softly and shook his head a little.

“At least you’re having fun with it? Just.. don’t singe your eyebrows off or something.”

"No promises."

Before he knew it, lunch was over. He got up and slung his backpack over a shoulder. "See you after class?" he asked, as though wanting one final confirmation that this was real, that John wasn't just pulling a sick prank or something, that he hadn't been dreaming.

John stood up and nodded, tilting his head a little as he looked up at Dirk. 

“Of course, Dirk, I’ll see you after class.”

He gave him what he hoped was a reassuring smile and risked a small pat on his arm.

Dirk tensed up at the pat on the arm. He couldn't help it. But he smiled at John and touched him lightly on the shoulder to show all was well, then headed for class.

Which was probably one of the longest last half of the day in his life. He couldn't even concentrate enough to set fire to anything in chemistry (he had to reassure the teacher he was fine), and mostly just doodled in math and history, which he supposed was par for the course anyway.

By the time the last bell rang, Dirk was practically vibrating out of his skin.

He dashed to the bathroom to look himself over in the mirror, straighten his hair and clothes, clean off his shades, then he practically ran to John's study hall, keeping an eye out in case the slight diversion meant he was already heading for the front of the school.

John exited the class a bit later than he usually would have, having been talking to the teacher.

“Oh! Hey, you ready?” He asked with a sweet little smile, hiking his bookbag higher up on his shoulder.

He was a little tired, but the excitement was thrumming in his veins and he found himself bouncing a little.

“Is there anything you need to grab before we go?”

Dirk did his best to ignore the flutters in his chest at the sight of John.

"Got my bread," Dirk said, gesturing with the bread. "Got my bag," he thumbed a strap of his bag. "I'm ready to go whenever you are, dude."

“Okay! Come on, let’s go!” John led him out, leading him to a silver car and unlocking the doors once they made it to the side.

“Make sure you buckle in! I’ve been told I’m like, a driving hazard or something.” He said it with a little laugh, like he was joking as he buckled up.

He backed out of the parking spot faster than one would recommend, nodding to the radio.

“Feel free to put on whatever! I usually just Bach or Vivaldi on.” He was all sharp turns, only about two over the speed limit, it was a wonder how he even passed his driving test.

Dirk was doing his best to subtly hang on for dear life, gripping the armrest and his leg and smiling and nodding at whatever John said. He reached to the radio and turned it on, letting whatever it was tuned to play.

"Of course that's what you listen to," Dirk said, trying to keep his tone light.

John nodded with a smile, briefly looking towards Dirk before back towards the windshield.

“Yeah! It helps with thinking, keeps you sharp. Are you okay? You look a little.. pale.”

"'M fine, just... Keep lookin at the road. Road's where it's at." Dirk was cool. He had it together. Bro drove recklessly, too. Except, there was always a sense that Bro was in complete control of everything, other cars included somehow. Not so with John. "How far away is your place?"

“You sure? I can definitely pull over if you need me to.” They stopped at a red light and John glanced back at Dirk.

“Just a few more streets over, down near the residential area.” He explained, pulling off smoothly, if a little faster than recommended, when the light turned green. 

“We’ll be there in a few minutes.”

"I'm good. Just eager to get to your place at all."

Dirk could deal for a few more streets. No big deal. Cool your shit, Dirk. You got this.

“Oh, haha, okay.” Despite his somewhat reckless driving, he didn’t come close to almost crashing the car or hitting anyone. 

When they pulled into his driveway, he waved his hand a little, parking surprisingly easily with just one hand.

“We’re here!” He pulled them key out of the ignition and grabbed his bag, smiling softly at Dirk before exiting the car.

Dirk tried not to look too eager as he exited the car.

He looked up at the house. It was... Normal. Just your average suburban middle class house. It felt nice and strange and Dirk was eager to get inside.

"Nice house," he said. That's a thing you're supposed to tell people, right?

“Thanks!” John replied as he toed his shoes off. “Can you take your shoes off please? Dad would kill me if we tracked anything on the carpet.”

He nodded to the carpet that looked as if it had recently been cleaned.

Dirk did as he was told, scooting his beat up sneakers neatly next to John's.

It felt so... Domestic, he guessed? He was trying to not let it make him too uncomfortable, but he certainly felt out of place.

He stuck to John's side, unsure of what to do. "Should we... Get down to business?"

“Sure! Let me go wash my hands and I’ll get the cake out the fridge. Make yourself at home, the living room is that way,” He pointed around a corner and then nodded towards the stairs.

“Or you can go up to my room!” He told him cheerily before lingering a few moments, unsure of what it would be best to do before somewhat awkwardly excusing himself to the kitchen.

Dirk watched John walk off to the kitchen and part of him just wanted to follow him there, but that would be ridiculous. This was just a house. He could deal with being in his crush's house.

He considered his options for a moment, but pretty soon headed up the stairs to find John's room. Not only was he curious, the living room seemed too... Open. He may not have the same worried here that he did at home but he knew he'd be looking over his shoulder every few seconds if he had to wait in the living room alone.

John's room was nice. Movie posters on the wall, a comfortable bed, a nice looking computer. Felt like what you'd expect a teenager's room to look like, even if some of the movie posters were odd choices, in Dirk's opinion.

Dirk sat on the bed, resisting the urge to snoop, and waited for John.

John hummed as he washed and dried his hands before grabbing the cake, briefly wondering if he’d went a bit overboard with making a three tier cake (what possessed him to even tier a tiramisu cake) especially if only one person was going to eat it.

It was small, at the very least. 

He carefully carried it up stairs after peeking into the living room to see that Dirk wasn’t there.

He balanced both the cake as well as a plate and fork as he pushed his bedroom open with his foot.

He smiled at Dirk as he placed the cake down on the dresser beside his bed before handing him the plate and fork.

“Have at it!”

Dirk's eyes were big as saucers behind his shades. "Holy shit, dude! All of this is for me?"

Dirk carefully sliced himself off some of the cake and took a bite. Fucking delicious. Not the same sweetness as the bread, but still heavenly. He took another bite then asked, "What is this, anyway? I mean it's fucking great! Just wondering." It certainly wasn't what Dirk had been thinking of when he heard 'cake.'

“Yeah! I don’t like cake.” John sat beside him and nodded as he heard his question.

“It’s tiramisu, really hard to tier since it’s layered already but definitely possible. It’s basically a coffee cake originally, but I used some strawberry jam that Dad made so it's a strawberry tiramisu!”

Dirk gave him an incredulous look. "You don't like cake? You bake this good and you don't even like it?" He took another bite, then shrugged. "More for me, I guess. This is some good shit." 

He finished his slice and grabbed another, then suddenly felt self conscious about John just sitting and watching him eat. "So what else is on the docket for today? You got some art to show me? I mean. If you want."

“My dad baked so much when I was younger. He made like, over twenty cakes for my thirteenth birthday, I’ve never really liked it but that was the tipping point.”

He perked up a little at the question and nodded. “Sure, yeah, we had to make portfolios so I have one...” He stood up as he explained, walking over to the larger dresser and grabbing a manilla folder off the top.

“It was traditional clothing based on our heritage, so there’s a bunch of different hanbok designs.” He explained as he sat down beside him and opened it up.

Was that... Was that a normal parenting thing? It didn't sound like it, but it's not like Dirk would know.

He set it out of his mind and put the plate down to scooch closer to John and look in the folder.

The designs were absolutely beautiful.

Dirk laughed lightly, awe in his voice when he asked, "Is there anything you're not good at? I mean seriously, dude. These are great!"

John blushed, visibly flustered with the compliments and praise. 

“Oh, uh, thanks Dirk.” He continued to flip through the paintings. 

“They’re all watercolor, except for a few sketches that don’t really watch the theme.”

He stopped briefly on a half finished sketch of a boy, his face was unseen behind an apple he was holding in his hand while a snake draped his shoulder.

"No problem, dude. This one looks super interesting. What's the theme for it?" He asked, pointing to the sketch John paused on, trying not to think about how their shoulders were brushing from how Dirk was leaning to look.

“The theme was ‘hidden truths’, so I based this on the story of the serpent in the garden. I’m not super religious or anything, but it seemed like a good fit.” He explained before glancing at Dirk slightly.

They were so close, he imagined that Dirk would lean away at some point, but for now, it was rather nice.

"That's really cool. You really have an eye for this, John."

Dirk was hoping there were a lot more pictures, not just because he liked seeing John's work, but because he wouldn't have much of an excuse to be this close after John got up to put the folder away. It was nice. Dirk wasn't really a physically affectionate dude, normally. Except it's not like he had the opportunity to really test that. But he liked this.

John hummed softly in place of a response, flipping through the portfolio as he talked about them.

He came to the last picture and smiled sort of sadly. “Sorry if this is a bit heavy but this,” He pointed to the painting of the blue-eyed woman who was smiling softly, as if looking at a camera.

“Is my mother.”

Dirk had wondered about John's mom but never felt it was right to ask. He felt uncomfortable and sad and unsure what to say but wanting to be a comforting presence. So he just smiled and said, "She's beautiful."

“Oh, thanks, that was- that was weird, sorry.” John closed the portfolio gently, careful not to tear the pages with his suddenness as he stood up and returned it to the desk.

“What do you usually do? Like, for fun?”

Dirk immediately missed the warmth when John stood up.

"It's not weird. Promise. I don't do a whole lot. Play video games, fuck around on my phone, take apart scrap electronics, bit of coding. Nothing special."

“You code? That sounds really cool, I’m not very good with tech stuff.” 

John came back and sat beside him, drawing his legs up to his chest and resting his head on his knees so that he could watch Dirk as he spoke.

“How does that usually go?”

Dirk's heart started beating hard in his chest. God, John was so cute.

He rubbed the back of his neck and tried not to look too flustered under the attention. "Fine, I guess. Just making some AI's like chatbots and stuff. Hoping to get some commissions once I turn 18 and can get my own bank account. Nothing fancy enough to deserve it yet, though."

John’s eyes widened a little. “You’ve made AIs? Dirk, that’s so absolutely amazing. I bet people would love to commission you.”

He twined his fingers together a little as he smiled up at him.

Dirk wanted to reach out and touch him.

He shrugged, blushing at the praise. "It's not as cool as it sounds. Lots of people can do it."

“Oh Dirk,” John’s brow furrowed, giving Dirk the firm look he’s mastered from his father.

“Don’t belittle your abilities, especially ones that you’re good at and should be proud of.”

Perhaps he’d gone a bit far there.

Dirk bit his lip, unsure of the surge of emotions going through him. "Sorry," he muttered, bowing his head sheepishly. "I just... I don't think anything I've done is that impressive." He shrugged again.

John sat up a little more, turning to face him a little more. 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to apologize to me, but sometimes you have to.. I don’t know, apologize to yourself, I guess.” 

John laughed, it was breathy. “Wow, you uh, sound like me, when I was younger. It takes.. Time.. To see your own worth, I guess, and in the things you do be, well, impressed by them. I don’t know all the fancy therapy words but, yeah, yeah.”

Dirk had his shoulders hunched up to his face and was looking away. "Thanks. No one's ever--" Nope that was too depressing. "Thanks."

John’s eyebrows went up a little before he nodded. “Of course, you’re welcome.”

He fell quiet after, pushing his hair back with one hand before he shuffled a little and went. “Do you still want me to play for you?”

Dirk nodded, trying to relax again. "Yeah, of course! Gotta have my own personal concert."

John smiled a little and uncurled, climbing down from the bed. “Okay, come on.”

John led Dirk downstairs, and then down the hall to a room that looked like a study. 

He pushed the door open and motioned to his piano and then to the walls of books. 

“This was my mom’s library.”

Dirk followed John down and looked in awe around the room. "It's... nice," he said, unsure of how to express the comforting feeling he was getting just being in the space. "You must spend a lot of time in here."

“I do, yeah, I’m in here most of the time. I’m probably in here more than my dad.”

He walked over to the bench and sat down, patting beside him as he lifted the fall board.

Dirk sits down gingerly, like he was afraid he'd somehow taint the place with his presence. He watched every move John made as though trying to memorize it, to play back as much of this scene as he could later. Like this was his one shot at something happy and he wasn't going to waste it.

John hummed softly and he traced over the keys, fingers pausing over the ivory for a moment before he slowly started to play. 

It was a deep, dark melody and it flowed easily as if practiced time and time again, his feet shifting between the pedals as he did so.

Dirk watched in awe at the gracefulness of John's fingers, at the steadiness of the beat, and the melody tugged at his heartstrings. Everything about this was beautiful and he'd stay in this moment forever if he could.

John occasionally glanced at Dirk out of the corner of his eye, nervous in a way that he wasn’t used to as he played.

It no longer felt like he was playing just to play, it felt refreshing. 

He eventually slowed to a stop, fingers resting above the keys as he took his feet off of the pedals.

Should Dirk... clap? It felt wrong, like it wasn't enough. Tentatively, he reached out and placed a hand on John's shoulder, the other pushing his shades up into his hairline. "That was amazing."

John jumped slightly when Dirk’s hand was placed on his shoulder and he turned towards him to answer, pausing at the sight of his eyes.

He blinked quickly, face blushing red as he found himself speaking before he could stop himself.

“You have such beautiful eyes, they look like a sunset.”

Dirk flushed and looked away, taking his hand back to rub at the bridge of his nose in embarrassment. "Thanks. You too. I mean," he glanced up, "like the sky on a clear day." He glanced back down. "I've... always thought that."

John felt his face burn pink and he dipped his head, mindlessly tapping one of the keys for a few seconds before responding.

“Thank you, Dirk.”

And he was a little more than curious about how he’d worded that.

“Always?”

Dirk grimaced lightly, most of his expression coming from his eyes, which he wasn't as used to guarding. "I... I may have had a crush on you since freshman year," he said, fiddling with his gloves, and definitely not looking at John.

John looked away from Dirk for a moment, thinking over what he just told him for a few seconds before looking back at him, not sure what to say before falling quiet again.

“Holy shit. I’m so oblivious, I-..” His face was steadily turning redder. 

“I don’t know how you went so long without saying anything.”

Dirk shrugged, embarrassed. "I mean, I was trying to keep it quiet. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, and, I mean, you basically had no idea who I was, you know? So there was no point in saying anything. I never thought-- I never thought even this was possible." He gestured vaguely between the two of them. "I hope I haven't made things weird."

“Yeah, that makes sense..” John rested his hands on his legs.

“It’s okay, you haven’t made anything weird at all, Dirk. This is a date after all, yeah?”

Dirk chances a look at John, who, indeed, does not seem weirded out. And this was, in fact, a date. And before he could think too hard on what he's doing, Dirk grabbed John's hands, leaned in, and kissed him on the lips.

It's just for a second, and he's nervous when he pulls back, eyes betraying his hopes and his fears. "Did that make things too weird?" he whispered.

John froze, face burning hotly and he subconsciously licked his lips, looking away for a moment because despite being a quick kiss it was rather nice and he was definitely not straight. 

John shakes his head, extremely aware of the fact that they were still holding hands.

“No... That’s not weird either, not too weird.”

Dirk rubbed his thumbs over John's hands in his own. He laughed lightly, more in relief than anything. "Do you want to check again, just to be sure?"

John smiled, this one less nervous than the first and he nodded.

“Yeah, it’s- it’s always good to be sure, you know?”

Dirk smiled back and leaned in again, one of his hands finding John's cheek as he kissed him more deeply, but still softly, still savoring it like he had to etch it into his memory before it was gone forever.

John sighed softly through his nose when he was kissed again, eyes falling shut as he pressed himself in closer and clasped his hands atop of Dirk’s. 

It was a sweet kiss, one he didn’t particularly want to break (Dirk still tasted like the cake, he found that he didn’t mind) but he needed to breathe.

He broke the kiss and peeked his eyes open at Dirk, still holding his hands against his cheeks.

Dirk looked back, orange eyes meeting blue. He leaned his forehead against John's. "Date goin' well?" he asked, smiling softly.

John smiled back, laughing a little under his breath as he responded.

“It’s going really, really well. What about you, how are we feeling about it?”

Dirk stole another kiss, a quick peck on the lips, and said, "I think I've died and gone to heaven."

“I sure hope not, I want to keep you here on earth with me.” John replied softly turning to face Dirk more before sitting back and grabbing his hands.

“Here, come on.” He guided his hands to the keys. “Want to play with me?”

Dirk's heart flipped in his chest at John's words.

When John put his hands on the keys, he immediately became nervous. "I can try," he said. "Just tell me what to do."

“Here.. It starts with B flat and then, C..” He tapped the keys slowly. “D, E, F, G and then to A.” He tapped up them, naming letters and stopping back at B.”

“That was the B flat scale, go ahead and try it!”

Dirk tapped the keys in order, starting with the black key then working his way up. Easy enough to follow directions, at least. "Like that?"

“Yep! Just like that! And then back down, like this.” John played back down the scale.

“It’s the easiest scale to play and learn, it’s what people start with. Once you learn that, you basically know all of the basic keys! It’s easy to play simple things that way.”

He started playing, saying the notes aloud as he did. 

“C, C, G, G, A, A, G, F, F, E, E...”

Dirk got the hang of which keys were what pretty quickly as John played, and repeated the notes, becoming more confident as he did. It still sounded stiff, not as fluid as when John did it, but Dirk found himself smiling.

“Good, good!” John praised with a smile, beaming up at the other.

“You’re picking it up so fast!” He played the children’s rhyme once more, smiling pleasantly.

Dirk ducked his head at the praise. "I have a really good teacher." Dirk played the rhyme again, then played around with a few other notes, some other simple nursery rhymes or notes from songs. It took him a few tries to get the right keys, but he had a good ear for music.

John took his hands off the keys to clasp them together, watching Dirk with an openly soft expression.

“I had a feeling you’d be good at this, you’re so smart and talented.”

Dirk blushed. "I'm not--" he started, then he remembered John's stern words from earlier. "Thanks. This is fun. I see why you like it."

John smiled a little wider when he saw Dirk correct himself and he nodded.

“It is! I can play for hours, especially in here.”

Whatever Dirk was going to say next was interrupted by a buzzing in his pocket. Dirk looked at John apologetically and pulled out his phone. 

It was three texts from Bro:

Dirk

Home

Now

Dirk flipped his shades back on his face and bit his lip. He knew this couldn't last. He just thought he had a bit longer.

"I, uh," he started, trying to make sure his voice wasn't shaking. "I have to go home. Can you drive me back?"

John watched Dirk look at his phone and- there he goes, hiding again behind his shades.

That must’ve been his elusive brother, who John found himself steadily growing uncomfortable at the thought of, there was something wrong there, but he didn’t know what. 

“Yeah,” He kept his tone soft, like he was talking to someone who was scared, Hell, maybe Dirk was scared and he just wasn’t saying anything.

It felt tense.

“I’ll drive you, come on.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk and John deal with the aftermath of Dirk's visit.

Dirk didn't really react to his words, just followed John out and grabbed his bag, but left the bread where he set it, then headed to the front door. "You ready?"

John grabbed his keys and nodded, worriedly following behind him.

He unlocked the doors and climbed in, gripping the wheel as he waited for Dirk to get in.

Dirk climbed in and when they drove off, he gave John the directions as was needed, not really talking much otherwise as the finality that their day was ending took hold. Eventually he pointed out a convenience store for John to pull into. When they parked he unbuckled, grabbed his bag and said, "Thanks, John, for today. I'm glad we got to do this." It was like this would be the only time he'd ever be able to rather than something he expected to repeat.

“Dirk, you, you absolutely don’t have to answer this or talk to me but.. Are you okay, like, are you okay?” He turned towards him, frowning a little as he did so.

Dirk shrugged defensively, not looking at John. "'M fine. I'll see you at school."

He opened the door, about to take a step out, then turned and kissed John on the lips, quick and desperate, then got out of the car, closed the door, and started walking to his apartment.

John sat in his car for a few moments after Dirk kissed him, watching him walk away from the car before pulling off and driving home, only taking a few wrong turns before getting it right.

His hands were shaking but he didn’t really know why, maybe it was because Dirk didn’t let him drop him off in front of his place, or because of the steadily darkening sky, he hated driving at night. 

His dad was home when he got there, he hadn’t even realized that he and Dirk had stayed so late together.

He was glad he was there, however, maybe hugging his dad would help him stop feeling like he should have questioned Dirk more before letting him out of the car.

Dirk opened the door to the apartment, dread pooling in his belly. The lights were off and he couldn't see Bro, so he tried to quietly make his way to his room.

Couldn't be that simple, however. 

A hand grabbed him around his throat and pinned him to the wall, his feet dangling so only his toes barely brushed the ground. He desperately clawed at the hand, but it didn't budge.

"Where were you?"

Dirk could smell alcohol as the breath puffed close to his face. "Out," he choked. "For the project. I told you. Please!" The last was desperate.

Bro chuckled as he let go and Dirk collapsed to the ground, clutching his throat. "You're so fucking pathetic. I raised you better."

Dirk didn't move. "What do you want?"

Bro pushed him over with his foot, then stepped on his chest, not with his full weight, but making it hard for Dirk to get full breaths. "I want you to remember what I've been teaching you for sixteen goddamned years! Whatever you think you're playing at with your new friend ain't gunna work. They're going to leave you like everyone else. You only have me."

Dirk clutched at the ankle on top of him. "Not planning anything. Just working on school stuff!"

"Doin an awful lot of texting for just school stuff. You think I don't look through your phone's history? You better shape the fuck up because I'm not going to piece you back together the next time these fucks break you."

Dirk felt rage pulse in his veins. "It's not like that! He likes me!"

Bro chuckled again and ground his foot into Dirk's chest. "Aw, does my baby bro have a wittle boyfwiend? Grow up. All anyone does is leave. Blood is the only thing you can trust, and apparently I can't even trust that." Bro removed his foot and kicked him in the side, not hard, but not gently either. "Get up. I expect you to be around the house the rest of the weekend. No more 'group projects.'"

Dirk scrambled to his feet and slipped into the room, shutting it behind him.

He leaned against the door and slid down it to sit and curl into a ball and desperately try not to cry.

Nothing good could last.

“Hello, son, how was your d- Are you alright?”

John made a noise, affirming that something was wrong but giving away nothing more than that.

He kicked his shoes off haphazardly and hugged Dad before he could ask again, face buried in his shirt. His hands were shaking worse now, feeling strangely guilty but not knowing why, just that he was.

“John? What’s wrong?” He hugged him back, one hand around his back and the other stroking his hair, pressing a kiss to his forehead as he did so. 

“I don’t know, that’s the problem, I just don’t know.”

“Okay, son, you aren’t making sense. Let’s sit down, come on, into the living room.”

Dad guided him into the living room and lowered him on the couch, allowing John to keep his face pushed into his shoulder as he did, running his free hand up and down his back. 

“Did something happen with Dirk?”

“No, yes, I don’t know, I think? I don’t even know why I’m panicking except that I am! Something was wrong and I didn’t ask what, and what if he’s hurt? I should have kept him in the car.”

Dad placed both hands on John’s shoulders and made him look at him.

“John, breathe.”

“I am breathing-“

“Slower.”

“...”

Dad waited till his breathing was more regulated before speaking again. 

“It’ll do you no good to work yourself up. Now what happened?”

“Nothing, I guess, nothing bad. Dirk had to go home, so I took him, but he was acting a little weird the whole ride there. He didn’t let me drop him off at home and when I asked him if he was okay, he just.. shrugged, lied? I think he lied and then he-he kissed me and he left. He said he’d see me at school.”

Dad rubbed his son’s shoulders, pulling him back into a hug.

“Okay, try not to worry too much, okay? You’ll see him at school and you can try to text him until then. Don’t work yourself up, it’ll be okay.”

John didn’t respond, just hugged him a little harder.

Dirk didn't venture out the rest of the night or much of the next morning. He heard Bro shuffling around a bit out in the living room, but couldn't tell what he was doing.

By afternoon, things had been quiet for an hour or so, so Dirk risked it to run to the bathroom and try to grab some food from the fridge, what he had stocked in his closet only lasting him so long.

He froze when he saw Bro on the couch, drinking again, but Bro didn't move toward him, just turned and raised his beer. "Hey, 'bout time you woke up. I know it's a Saturday but, Jesus, kid, sleeping 'til two? Gunna fuck up your sleep schedule."

Dirk stares at him cautiously, not saying anything.

Bro didn't seem to mind. "How about I order us a pizza and we shoot some Nazi zombies together. Been too long since we hung out."

Dirk felt himself relax just a little. This was one of Bro's good days. "That sounds nice."

Bro patted the couch. "Then pop a squat dude, and boot shit up while I order."

Dirk did as he was asked while Bro whipped out his phone and tapped away at the screen. After a few moments, he slipped it back in his pocket and said, "Should be here in 20."

Dirk had Call of Duty up on the screen and handed the player one controller to Bro, who smirked and ruffled his hair. "You're a good kid, Dirk. Always keepin your ol' Bro in mind."

Dirk let himself relax further as he played, experience telling him Bro would be fine the rest of the day, maybe even the next, so they could just hang out and play video games like a normal family. When the pizza came, they chowed down on that, and Bro joked Dirk was eating him out of house and home and Dirk even laughed. When he had to go to the bathroom, he simply ignored the bright bruises forming on his neck from last night.

This was fine.

He was fine.

John found himself glad his father didn’t have work the next day, it allowed him to follow him around or sit in his mother’s study, mindlessly playing the piano.

He was worried, he would text Dirk in a few minutes, he just needed to get this part of the melody right. 

EB: hey dirk, just wanted to check in 

EB: how are you?

Short and to the point, nothing more, nothing less. It didn’t soothe the racing of his mind, however, and no matter how many times he played the melody, it always came out wrong. 

He closed the fall, standing up suddenly and leaving the room, careful to not slam the door behind himself even though he wanted to. 

He was all out of sorts with himself because of a hunch, of a strange feeling but he couldn’t let it go, his curiosity and worry a dangerous mixed drink. 

He decided it would be best to sit down beside his Dad while he sewed, maybe it would take his mind off of things, even for a moment.

Dirk had left his phone in his room, and spent most of the afternoon and evening playing video games with Bro, who always won, of course.

His throat still ached, and the bruises stung when he absentmindedly scratched at his neck, but overall, it was nice. He didn't get days like this with Bro often.

When night had fallen, Bro tossed down his controller. "Must be gettin old, Dirk, time for me to hit the hay," he said, and Dirk didn't comment that his constant drinking that day also probably made him so tired. He just wished Bro a good night, and went to his room.

His heart fluttered when he checked his phone and found texts waiting for him.

TT: hey sorry I was busy gaming with my bro

TT: I'm doing fine

TT: you?

TT: get your dad to finish the rest of that cake?

EB: it’s okay 

EB: I am, sitting with Dad

EB: he’s sewing! Did you have fun with your brother?

EB: no, he said it’s good though 

Dad was watching John carefully as he shakily replied to the other, the relief in his eyes apparent.

He was so attached to this boy already, his heart was right on his sleeve and it left Dad to worry about if he’d just break it one day, getting too attached far too fast. 

“Son? How is he?”

“He’s fine, he says, with his brother.”

“His parents?”

“I.. I don’t think he has any. He only talks about his brother, kind of like I only talk about you.”

Dad nodded and continued, keeping an eye on John.

TT: yeah it was fun enough

TT: he ordered us some pizzas and I managed not to eat it all so that's my food for the weekend

TT: pizza fuckin rocks

TT: your dad sews?

TT: that's cool shit

TT: I've picked up a bit of it as I've had to but it could never keep my attention long enough to do anything fancy

TT: just patch shit up you know

TT: do you sew too?

Dirk was laying on his back, a jacket bundled up under his neck to give it more support, almost smiling at the screen from how happy he was talking to John. He couldn't wait to see him again Monday. He wondered if they'd be able to sneak more kissing at school, or if that was something John would even be interested in.

That wasn't.... It wasn't just a one time thing, right?

EB: Good, that’s good 

Not good, pizza for that day, maybe, but the whole weekend? John’s eyebrows furrowed. Okay, maybe he was just searching too far into things, he needed to take a step back and thinking reasonably. 

EB: yeah!! He’s really good at it, he hems stuff a lot 

EB: I’m not so good at it though 

EB: I can patch stuff up the same as you though 

His worries would be assuaged on Monday, they would go to school and then he’d see that Dirk was all in one piece and everything would be okay.

He left his bread, maybe John should just bake him a whole new loaf, or should he just make sugar bread and a bunch of different spreads.

Give him some options.

Okay, you know what, no point in wallowing in anxieties.

TT: hey john

TT: awkward question but

TT: what did yesterday

TT: mean for us

TT: if you catch my drift

EB: well

EB: I don’t want to overstep and assume we’re dating because of one date but 

EB: I definitely wouldn’t mind it 

EB: or just another date

John’s face was red, he just knew it, his father had a really amused look on his face.

Well that went... a lot better than expected

TT: overstep my dude

TT: trample all over my romantic corpse

TT: i told you

TT: i've been crushing on you since day fuckin one

TT: i wasn't expecting you to just like

TT: you know

TT: i mean because you don't have to if you don't want to

TT: i mean i absolutely would be down with it

TT: if you're sure

TT: i'm not

TT: the most popular dude or anything

TT: not that you only care about popularity

TT: you know what

TT: i'm going to shut up now

John covered his face with both hands, blushing so brightly he was sure it wasn’t even hidden. 

He inhaled and breathed out slowly, lowering his hands to text back.

EB: just to

EB: are you 

EB: saying that we’re dating??

It took all his willpower to knock some sense into his head and not immediately reply "Are you saying we're dating?" because that would be the stupidest goddamned thing in the world.

Grow a pair, Strider.

TT: Yes

TT: That is exactly what I'm saying

TT: If you're

TT: You know

TT: cool with it

Weak finish, but I'll take it.

Dirk was glad no one could see him because he couldn't even figure out what expression he had. Goofy grin? Embarrassed grimace? Some mix of the two? All he knew is he was probably beet red.

John sat his phone down for a moment, mumbling something to himself along the lines of “holy shit” before picking his phone back up and responding to the other.

EB: I would 

EB: definitely be cool with it 

Sent, put the phone down, he is now getting up and walking over to his father’s side.

“You left your-“

“I know, I know, just.. Let it buzz first, and then I’ll.. Yeah. I’ll get it.”

Dirk definitely did not do a triumphant fist pump but he definitely thought about doing one, and now he was most definitely sporting a goofy grin.

TT: cool

TT: so we're like

TT: boyfriends now

TT: I can die happy

He tried not to think about what Bro might do if he found out or if he's even be able to see John outside of school again. That could be dealt with later. Right now he was just happy.

John watched it buzz for a few moments before walking back over and grabbing it, reading the messages with a large smile he was unable to hide.

EB: :(( don’t die 

EB: it’s too early in the relationship for me to be widowed 

“Dad.”

“Yes?”

“I have a boyfriend now.”

Dad smiled, the smile lines around his eyes crinkling.

“Well, you’ll have to tell me all about how this young man won your heart.”

TT: I'll do my best

TT: for you

Dirk sighed happily and set his phone down.

He could exist in this perfect bubble of feelings for just one night, at least. Everything else was future Dirk's problem.

EB: thank you <3

John sat down on the arm of his Dad’s chair, phone tucked between his thighs as he spoke.

“Dad, he’s so smart! Like, extremely smart.”

“I thought you were tutoring him?”

“I am but I’m not even sure why, he’s work is flawless, even better than mine! He caught onto the piano so fast..” John added dreamily, kicking his foot while the other kept his balanced. 

“Are we moving too fast?”

“Don’t ask me, your mother and I got married right out of high school, moved out of our parents’ places and everything.”

John just smiled and twined his fingers together.

“Yeah..”

Bro stayed in his room the next day, which was fine by Dirk. His good moods didn't usually last very long. Neither did the leftover pizza. It had been a bit since Bro had gone grocery shopping, or given money for Dirk to do it, and Dirk cursed himself for not asking for some yesterday. He didn't want to bug Bro when he clearly wanted his space.

He resolved to do it next time he caught Bro out, hopefully by the next day or the day after, and rationed out his pizza a little more than he wanted to. He still had some ramen, it was fine.

He frowned as he looked at his bruises in the mirror. He'd have to wear something with a high collar when he went to school. He took an ice pack out of the freezer and laid on his bed, resting the pack on his neck to try to quicken the healing.

He was bored, then suddenly remembered he had a boyfriend now to text.

TT: hey

TT: how is your Sunday going

TT: weekend too short or what

John was cleaning, just like he and his Dad did every Sunday, dusting and sanitizing, a steady rhythm as old swing jazz and blues played from the seemingly ancient phonograph.

John pulled his phone from his pocket when it buzzed, smiling when he saw who it was from.

EB: hey!!

EB: Dad and I are doing Sunday cleaning but I agree that it is far too short

TT: you're cute

TT: did you know that

TT: the only bright side of the weekend being over is I can see you at school

Okay, maybe he was being a little sappy, but he was on a new relationship high, so sue him.

EB: I may be cute but you are very handsome :)

EB: you’re so sweet!! You should have other reasons for wanting to go to school too though 

EB: do you have a favorite class?

John put his phone away and continued to sweep, full of excitement as he waited for a response.

TT: I mean this in the best way possible, but

TT: you're such a nerd

TT: which I find endlessly endearing

TT: but no no favorite class

TT: maybe chemistry I guess?

TT: but not really

TT: school is boring

TT: the best part about school is that it's not home

Oops, that's no good. Gotta back track.

TT: I mean because home is boring too you know

John read, and the reread the message that Dirk sent, his a few seconds too late follow.

“Maybe I’m being irrational. Maybe I’m looking way too, yeah, way too deep.”

EB: oh uh

EB: yeah haha 

EB: home can be pretty boring after you get used to it

Dirk was relieved his recovery seemed to work.

TT: anyway I'm sure you're busy

TT: I can let you go and just talk to you at school tomorrow

EB: are you sure?

EB: we’ll be done cleaning soon 

He hasn’t seen Dad in a while but he just might be dusting the study. John should’ve been done dusting the living room ages ago, but a few seconds more talking to Dirk won’t hurt.

TT: nah I should probably work in homework anyway

Maybe Bro would stay in his room and not notice him doing it.

TT: I hope you have a good rest of your day

EB: okay!

EB: I’ll see you tomorrow, I hope the rest of your day is good too!

John smiled to himself and quickly went back to cleaning, he had so much left to do.

Dirk deleted the messages, then messed around on his phone some more until the ice pack had completely thawed. He went and put it back in the freezer, hoping it was enough for the bruises to not be too noticeable the next day, then sat at his desk to work on his homework.

When he finished each assignment, he stuffed them in the book for the class they were for, so at least if Bro did suddenly come in, he wouldn't be able to get all the work at once, and he might not bother with it.

He got it all done in peace, had the last of his pizza, then went to bed, overall satisfied with how his weekend went.

He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do the next day at school. Should he wait for John, or would that make it too obvious? Would John mind if it was obvious? Was he going to tell his friends? Okay, stop overthinking. Dirk waited outside the building for John to show up, hoping he looked more casual and not quite so antsy and excited as he felt.

He had a boyfriend now! How fucking cool was that?

He had chosen a high collared shirt, and fidgeted with it, trying to subtly keep his neck covered, but he knew he'd have to pay attention to his movements for the day to make sure the still purple bruises didn't peek over the top.

“Dirk!” John was practically skipping over to him, skidding to a stop before holding his arms out.

“Can I have a hug?” He asked sweetly, smiling as he bounced a little on his toes. Dirk was dressed a little differently than normal today, he did a quick head to toe scan and nothing was out of place but he couldn’t shake the sneaking suspicion that something was wrong.

Dirk let himself smile, just a bit. "With a face like that, how could I say no?" 

He hugged John tightly, realizing this was the first time he had done so and relishing it. "How'd cleaning go?"

“It went well,” He mumbled with his head rested on Dirk’s chest, squeezing him.

“The floor is practically shining. Did your work go well, did you need help on anything?” He asked this as if Dirk wasn’t practically a genius.

Dirk had no idea how long it was socially acceptable to hug, so he just held on until John let go. When was the last time he was hugged? Must have been fucking years ago.

"Nah, the work went fine. All safe and secure in my bag. You might get me into the habit of doing it, yet."

“Good! It’s a good habit to have.” John praised, hands clasped together as they walked into the school.

He was close to Dirk, closer than he’d typically allow himself to be but this was his boyfriend and it was quite nice.

It made his chest warm and his heart fluttered every time he thought of it, Dirk was his boyfriend.

Dirk forced himself to relax at John being so close to him. It was nice, it really was, but years of being on guard and not having anyone close to him were hard to fight.

He ran a sheepish hand through his hair at the praise. "I guess."

When they reached the classroom, Dirk hesitated. Should he be sitting with John now? Or keep to his usual seat?

He started to head toward his usual back corner seat, just to be safe, and said, "See you at lunch?"

John traces his hand over the back of Dirk’s, face flushed red as he bounces on his feet a little.

“You can uh, you can always come sit with me? If you want?” He totally wasn’t giving him puppy eyes, not full on, only a little bit.

Dirk blushed. Part of him wasn't looking forward to sitting toward the front of the class, but his desire to sit near John and that look he was giving him easily won him over.

"Okay," he said, nodding. He followed John to his usual spot and took a free desk next to him, trying to act casual about it, but feeling very flustered.

John smiled at him, always sweet and gentle. He could feel eyes on them but he pointedly paid them no mind even if he found myself uncomfortable.

Ignoring them gave him more power over the situation and besides that, Dirk was so handsome, it was easy to stare.

Dirk was... More than a little unnerved by the eyes on them. He had gotten used to being ignored, and this was making his hyper awareness kick in, which he usually only had to deal with at home.

He was worried about John, and tried to catch his eye to give him an apologetic look. He didn't want anything bad to be said about John because Dirk was sitting with him, much less if people found out they were dating.

Which he supposed they would. They hadn't exactly been subtle so far that morning.

The teacher also seemed to be giving them a look, which made him anxious as well, but she didn't say anything as she collected their homework.

Overall the class was tense and Dirk found it bittersweet that they only had the one class together. He would miss John throughout the day, but at least people wouldn't be giving them weird looks the whole time.

John was very pleased with himself for making it through class without making it too obvious how uncomfortable the staring was making him. 

He packed up his things and politely waited for Dirk, smiling a little.

“Hey, I’ll see you at lunch, yeah?”

Dirk smiles and nodded. "See you at lunch."

It was nice to have something to look forward to through the rest of his classes, which went by surprisingly quickly.

But he was faced with another dilemma at lunch. He couldn't keep asking John to not sit with his friends, but he still didn't think he was ready to try to sit with them himself.

He sat at his usual table, absently rubbing his neck, which was sore and a little itchy, while he waited for John.

John sat across from Dirk with a smile but it dropped as he tilted his head, eyes focusing in on Dirk’s neck.

“Are you okay, did something happen?”

Dirk jerked his hand away from his neck. "It's fine," he said a bit too quickly. "How's your day going?"

John squinted a little, feeling a little cold suddenly.

“Oh, I uh, my day was nice, it’s- Dirk, can I talk to you in private real quick? Nothing bad, I promise.”

He smiled but it felt fake and rushed, and maybe the lighting was bad and that’s why it looked like a bruise? It was a weak excuse as he thought of it.

Dirk froze. John said it was nothing bad, but...

"Uh, sure, John." He got up and led John out the cafeteria and to a classroom he knew would be empty, trying to calm his nerves.

"What's up?"

John took in Dirk’s nervous demeanor and frowned. “Nothing bad, remember? Just.. Is it okay if I touch you?”

Dirk hesitated, but nodded. Touching was still weird, but he liked when John did it, so maybe this would be nice. Maybe another hug?

John nodded back and reached out, gently pushing the collar of Dirk’s shirt aside and he wasn’t going to cry, he definitely was not about to cry, but, fuck, that was a deep bruise.

“Oh my god.”

By the time Dirk realized what John was doing, it was too late. The large, clearly hand shaped bruise around his neck was revealed and John looked so pained at the sight of it.

Dirk didn't even bother pushing his hand away. No point now. "It's not as bad as it looks?" he half heartedly tried. "It's fine. Seriously." He put his hand gently on John's, hoping to reassure him. Hoping he wouldn't ask more questions.

Oh, he’s definitely crying now.

“It’s not fine, Dirk, what happened? Did this happen after I dropped you off?” He twined his fingers with Dirk’s, stepping a little closer even though he had to tilt his head back more this way.

Dirk used his other hand to brush tears from John's eyes. "Shhh, John, it's okay. I've had worse." Wait no wrong thing to say. "This wasn't your fault."

”You’ve had worse?” John whispered under his breath, eyes closing tightly.

“Did your brother do this after I dropped you off, Dirk?”

Why the fuck can't he just lie? It would be so much easier for both of them if he did. But he couldn't. He couldn't lie to John. And he couldn't dodge around John asking this so directly.

He dropped his hands and head in resignation. "Yes," he said softly.

John whimpered under his breath and threw his arms around Dirk’s neck, pulling him down into a hug.

He feels like he’s got enough tears for the both of them as he speaks.

“We need to get you out of there.”

Dirk was caught off guard by the hug, and it took him a second to return it. When he finally did, he buried his face into the crook of John's neck, careful about his glasses, and said, "You can't. There's no way. And he-- he doesn't mean it. He's just looking out for me. I can't get out." He tried to keep his voice even, but it shuddered, tears threatening to spill. But he couldn't. John was already worrying about him enough. Too much. "I'm sorry. I never wanted to get you involved in this." This is why he should have kept his distance.

“Don’t you dare apologize for needing help, Dirk.” John gritted out, voice hard before it softened again. 

“You don’t have to apologize. And, and if he wanted to look out for you and-and protect you, he wouldn’t be hurting you.”

Dirk flinched at John's hard tone, then squeezed tighter. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to explain to John there was no way out. Maybe when he turned 18. Maybe.

"I can't leave him," he said. And in that moment he didn't know if he meant it was impossible to leave or that he wouldn't let himself because he knew Bro needed him. That's why he did what he did. Dirk couldn't be another person to abandon Bro.

John wasn’t qualified for this, he didn’t know what to do, his father had always done right by him and his mother had been nothing but sweet.

He had lived in a world so different from Dirk’s, which only made him want to help more fiercely. 

“You can. You can leave him, Dirk. And if he needs help, that’s not on you, that’s not for you to do, he needs to do it himself.”

Dirk hugged John tighter. "Thank you. For sticking with me." John could have run when he saw the bruises. He knew he was in over his head.

“You’re welcome, Dirk, you’re so welcome. You are my friend and you are my boyfriend, I’m not just going to leave you when you need me the most.”

John was glad his tears had stopped, he was probably going to ruin Dirk’s shirt. He squeezed him one more before letting go and taking a step back. 

“What can I do to help you?”

Dirk immediately missed John's touch.

He shrugged. "I dunno. I always figured I had to wait until I was 18 to get out. So nothing much to do. Once when I was little a doctor had some people talk to me and Bro separately. I didn't get it at the time, but looking back on it, they must have been social workers. Bro didn't like that much. Never went back to the doctor again. Never thought about saying anything to anyone again. Plus, the foster care system... It fucks you up." He believed that much about what Bro told him, even if he was sure part of it was to scare him from trying to get help.

He sighed. "Just... Don't say anything? The teachers don't need to know. Just you knowing is helping already."

“I.. I feel.. Okay, okay.” John felt bad to bite his tongue on this but he didn’t want to put Dirk into anymore potential danger but for now, there was a question bothering him.

“I.. I just have one more question. He wouldn’t kill you, would he?”

Dirk smiles in what he hopes is a reassuring way, but he doesn't have much practice with it. "No. He loves me in his own way. He wouldn't kill me."

Dirk patted John's shoulder. "Do you think you're good to head back out, or do you need another few minutes?"

John exhaled shakily and nodded, resting his head on Dirk’s chest over his heart.

“I just.. You shouldn’t be comforting me, I should be comforting you,” John chuckled, but it was mirthless. “You need to learn to take care of yourself too, you know.”

Dirk shrugged. "I'm used to it," he said, laughing back, just as stilted. "Not to telling someone else, I guess," he conceded. "But everything else. Not that this is helping. Sorry. I'm just... Fine, okay? This must not be great for you, though."

“Oh, oh, you worry me, honey.” John mumbled as he took a slight step back, grabbing for Dirk’s hands as he did so. 

“I’ll be fine, though, it’s okay, just give me a little.” He pushed his glasses up and wiped his eyes, trying to rub away the tear tracks but his eyes were still red and puffy.

Dirk's heart clenched at the pet name. He squeezed John's hand then bent down to place a quick kiss on his forehead. "Whenever you're ready."

John sighed softly and nodded. “Yeah, I’m ready, let’s go. Lunch is nearly over anyway.”

John grabbed Dirk’s hands and guided him back to the cafeteria but didn’t open the doors to actually go in, instead he just held Dirk’s hands and stared down at them in thought.

Dirk squeezed John's hands again. "What's up, John? Something wrong?" He laughed a little. "Besides, well, you know."

“No, nothing’s wrong, I just want a moment with you. Also, I’m about fifty percent sure that Roxy knows we’re dating. Nothing gets past her and if she knows, then the rest of my friends probably do as well.

I don’t know, they’ve all sort of thought I was straight this whole time.”

He shrugged a little but didn’t appear to be outwardly distressed by what he was telling Dirk.

Dirk shifted uncomfortably. "Do you not want them to know? Should I wait out here while you go in? I mean this is some big news, I know it's not easy... What can I do to help?"

Besides talk to them. Please don't make Dirk talk to them. Especially if Roxy picked up on things as easily as John thought.

John smiled warmly at Dirk and shook his head. “I do want them to know, if that’s okay with you. Besides, none of them or homophobic or anything, none of them are straight. I just wanted to let you know that.”

Dirk tried to smile warmly back but he was suddenly very nervous. "Okay, thanks. Let's head in, then."

He pushed open the door and led John back inside.

John followed Dirk inside, nudging him with his shoulder a little before speaking.

“Wherever we go is completely up to you.”

Part of Dirk really wanted to be the good, selfless boyfriend and head over to John's friends. But he couldn't. Not today. He gave John an apologetic look and headed back over to his usual table.

"Maybe tomorrow," he said.

John just smiled at him and nodded in understanding as he sat down across from him, reaching out and tapping the table a little in front of the other.

“Okay, tomorrow, and don’t worry.. It’s alright.”

John really was too good for him. "Thanks."

Like John had said, lunch was practically over, so they were only able to sit for a few minutes before the bell rang.

"Oh, shit," Dirk said as he stood up. "Wait, you still have to tutor me, right? Are we doing that today?"

John laughed a little as he stood up and nodded, gathering his things as he spoke.

“Yep! Nothing’s changed, I’m still tutoring you so I’ll see you after school today for as long as you need.”

Dirk wanted to say he didn't really need tutoring, never did, but it was a good space to do his homework and another reason to hang out with his boyfriend so he just nodded and headed off to class.

Class, in contrast with the first half of the day, went by very slowly, giving him plenty of time to ruminate on the potential consequences of John finding out about Bro. He hoped he didn't do anything rash. Not that he considered John to be the rash sort, but still.

Part of him was hopeful that maybe John could actually do something, but he squashed that part down pretty easily. John shouldn't get any more involved than he already was, and there was nothing a sixteen year old boy could do about his situation anyway. Next time John brought it up, Dirk would do his best to dissuade him from trying anything.

Once class was out, Dirk took the long way to the library, cutting by John's class to see if he was still there and if they could walk together.

John’s therapist had told him repeatedly that ruminating on problems he can’t solve on his own is a straight shot into negative thinking, he can’t solve everything on his own all of the time, but it was hard not to, and he was a bit spaced out in most of his classes after lunch. 

His thinking left him spaced out until the bell rang on his final class and he quickly left, walking right into Dirk.

“Oh, sorry about th- Oh, hi Dirk!”

"Hey," Dirk said, now feeling a little self conscious about going to meet him when John clearly wasn't expecting him. "I thought we could walk together? How were the rest of your classes?"

John smiled up at him and nodded. “I’d like that. And they were alright, nothing too out of the ordinary. How were yours?” 

There was no use telling Dirk that he didn’t actually know what had happened in class since he hadn’t been paying attention, it might’ve just made him worry more.

Dirk started heading to the library. "Same for mine. Just a regular ol' Monday. Don't even have too much work, thankfully. Though I could always take my time with it," he said in a thoughtful voice.

John glanced over at his boyfriend once he caught on to what he was saying and leaned into his side, bumping him a little as they walked.

“I suppose you could, it’s always good to be nice and consistent.”

Dirk smiled a little and bumped back. "Well if my tutor approves, who am I to do otherwise?"

He grabbed an isolated table, which was his typical m.o. anyway, and pulled out his homework. Just history and math this time.

"How'd you get a gig tutoring people, anyway?" Dirk asked, realizing he had been too busy caught up in his feelings last week to really ask anything about John. Now he could relax. Sort of. For a while, at least.

John sat across him and resting his chin in his hands as he spoke.

“Well, a teacher suggested it for me last year but I didn’t start until this year after our homeroom teacher suggested it! I don’t mind it, I like being able to help others, the volunteer hours are just a plus.”

Of course. He's such a sweet guy. Dirk felt himself smiling lightly as he answered his math problems. "And do you go on dates with everyone you tutor?" he teased.

John flushed and covered his face with one hand before shrugging a little.

“Oh, you know.. Just the cute ones.”

Dirk slunk to the table and propped a book up in front of his face, covering how absolutely red it was. "You've killed me. I'm dead now. I deserve it," he said, clearly pleased and embarrassed.

“Oh, come on, look at me, you’re so cute, Dirk! You’re so cute! My cute boyfriend..” John teased, leaning in to peak over the book.

“Aw..”

Dirk looked up at John, eyes visible at the angle he was at and practically pouted, as much as Dirk could while still not being overly expressive. 

"Are you having fun, John? Teasing me like this? You're clearly the cuter of the two of us. You will break so many hearts once people find out you're not single anymore."

John flushed and ducked down behind Dirk’s book.

“That’s absolutely not true, I’m just, well, I think I’m fairly average in appearance.” He commented briefly before peeking back over the book.

“You, on the other hand... Are beyond handsome.”

Dirk sat up from behind the book. "For a smart guy, you sure are dumb about some things" he said, smirking lightly. "You don't even realize what a catch you are."

He glanced around, made sure no one was paying them any attention, then quickly pecked John on the nose.

"You're the most attractive guy I know."

John purses his lips, finding himself wanting to be hypocritical of his own advice to Dirk as he hid his face.

“Dirk... You’re so sweet, honey.” John rested a hand on his cheek for a moment before clasping both of his hands together.

Dirk choked a little on air at the pet name again and cleared his throat. "I should probably get back to work," he muttered sheepishly, putting his book down and starting to scribble out more answers.

John chuckled softly, shaking his head a little as he rested his chin atop his clasped hands. 

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.” He agreed, smiling in a warm and subconscious manner.

Dirk wished he could keep this moment forever. It was almost as nice as getting to be at John's house Friday. When Dirk was with him, he could just forget about everything else.

He finished his math homework fairly quickly and brought out his history, which also wasn't very hard. Despite wanting to take his time, he ended up finishing that quickly as well. He stared awkwardly at the finished papers for a few moments, trying to think of something else to do so they could linger for a bit longer.

John tapped the papers quietly and looked them over, eyebrows arched in questions for a moment before he softly went “oh” under his breath.

“Do you know when you can come over again?”

Dirk froze, then looked away. "I don't know if I can. I can try to ask, but..."

He didn't want to say that he didn't want a repeat of Friday, that he was too afraid to try to go over again.

He wanted to. He really did.

Maybe... Maybe he could try anyway. Maybe Bro had just been in a bad mood.

He felt more resolute. He could go over again, fuck the consequences! He looked back at John. "When are you free next?"

John shrugged and leaned back in his chair, hands folding into his lap.

“I’m usually free most of the time, except for some Sundays. My friends and I have movie nights! You could uh, you could come to one if you want?”

Dirk considered this. Risking it to hang out with John was one thing, but being out in such a social situation was another.

At the same time, maybe if it was a group of people, the group project angle would be more believable?

"Let me know next time you have one and I'll... Think about it," he conceded.

He knew it wasn't healthy or fair to try to stay so separate from John's friends.

John nodded and gave Dirk what he hoped was a patient smile before reaching over and patting his hand.

Dirk had worried him before but now he had even more reason to be.

“Come on, let’s go. I don’t want you to get in trouble, it’s getting late.”

Dirk nodded and started packing up his things, then looked at his papers. "Could you take these again? I... don't want to risk anything."

John nodded and grabbed the papers, carefully tucking them away in his folder.

“Is uh,” He shifted a bit uncomfortably, “Is that what happened to your work before? Your brother?”

Dirk nodded again. "He thinks it's a waste of time. I mean, what do good grades even matter for me, really?"

“Well,” John started as he led them out of the library, waving slightly at the librarian.

“It gets you places, for one. Better options for higher education or trade schools.”

Dirk didn't want to be overly negative, but the idea of being able to afford to go to any sort of school once he graduated was laughable.

He walked along silently for a few moments, then when he was about to break off and head home, he stopped and said, "I'm not like you, John. I can't be optimistic about this. I've gotta play the hand I've been dealt, and that hand doesn't have a nice future for me. Not like you have. I'll do my work while you tutor me so the teacher knows you're doing a good job, but I can't pretend it's going to get me anywhere."

John didn’t speak for a moment, pausing where he stood to scuff the toe of his shoes against the sidewalk.

“You..” John found himself frustrated at his inability to explain all the potential he saw in Dirk, all the good and the amazing things in him.

How amazing he was. 

“I don’t even know what to say that could make you understand because I know you won’t believe it, yeah?”

Dirk felt a pang of guilt and slouched into his shoulders.

"I can't let myself get my hopes up, John. Not when I know Bro will do anything he can to stop me. Not when I know I'll never be able to afford any of it on my own. I have to be practical. I'm sorry."

He was sorry. Desperately sorry he couldn't even fake having some small spark of positivity for John, because that would be a lie, and he couldn't lie to John.

John shuffles where he stood for a moment and found that he wouldn’t understand, he couldn’t, and perhaps that he was just too stubborn to.

He wasn’t spoiled but he did have a habit of getting what he wanted because he didn’t know how to settle for less, always working and always pushing, even if he knew the outcome would be a complete failure. 

“Okay,” He wanted to argue but he didn’t want to argue too hard. “Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Dirk looked at John, his eyebrows knit together in guilt and sadness and he wanted to say something to comfort him, but he didn't know what would possibly help.

"See you tomorrow."

Dirk turned and walked back home.

John’s been scrubbing at this spot for about fifteen minutes but no matter how much pressure or bleach, it doesn’t go away.

You aren’t even supposed to use bleach on wood but he’s irritated and angry with himself, so.

He’s cleaning.

Just like always.

“Son?”

“John?”

”John?”

“The damn spot won’t come out! I’ve used all the damn bleach and it STILL won’t come out and I-“

“John.. That’s not a spot, that’s the wood.”

Oh.

“Oh, uh, oh. I’m sorry, I yelled, I’m just, I’m just irritated.”

“Why?”

And John wanted to rant and rave but.. He couldn’t, he can’t say a word because his father would probably rip Dirk from his home with his bare hands, he’s too soft in the heart, too caring.

“It’s nothing.”

Dirk waited in his room for Bro to get home. It took a few hours, but eventually he heard the soft creak of the door and the pad of footsteps to the couch and the TV flicking on. Those were good signs.

Dirk walked out, still carefully gauging Bro's reactions, but he didn't turn to look at him.

"Bro. We're almost out of food. Could I get some cash to go shopping?"

"Grab me a beer," he said, still not turning away from the screen.

Dirk did as he was asked and Bro set the beer down on the coffee table, then dug out his wallet from his pants pocket. He frowned at it as he counted out some bills. "Here's fifty. This better last you two weeks."

Dirk could make that work. He nodded and started to walk off, then remembered his talk with John and said, "My, uh, group wants to meet up again. For the project."

"So?" Bro asked, annoyance tinging his voice.

"Can I go?"

Bro took a swig of his beer. "Like I give a fuck. Knock yourself out. Just don't expect me to pick you up or some stupid shit like that."

"No, I'll have a ride. Thanks, Bro."

Bro waved him off. "Keeps you out of my goddamned hair."

Dirk went back to his room, happy, if apprehensive, since Bro had let him go over to John's last week, too, and wasn't too happy about it when he actually did. Should he text John the good news? He wasn't sure. They kinda had a fight and he didn't want to bug him...

Dirk sighed.

He could just tell him at school tomorrow.

The house was practically sparkling, even Dad was sure he’d never cleaned the house that much in such a short amount of time but John had done it and was now angrily playing piano the next room over. 

John thinks his piano is crying, because he is currently unable to do it himself. He’s angry at himself, mostly, because he’s been cornered by the faceless figure of Dirk’s older brother. 

One harsh note tears out of the instrument and then he cuts it short by taking his fingers from the keys and hiding his face in his hands. 

He wants to do the right thing but the right thing is staying quiet and not saying a word because then Dirk is in danger. 

He said his brother wouldn’t kill him but how tight and angry of a hold does it take to leave a bruise so deep?

He found himself bombarded with terrible trains of thought, thinking that the absolute worst would come, and he didn’t even know how it could be avoided. 

Would school be tense? It had felt like a bit of a fight and Dirk probably didn’t want to talk to him quite yet, maybe he should let him cool off some more.

He didn't get any texts from John, so he figured that not saying anything until school was the best idea. Maybe he'd apologize, though he wasn't really sure how he could. Sorry for being in a bad situation? Sorry for not being able to be hopeful about things? None of that sounded good. He was sorry, they fought, though.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk and John have a heavy talk over lunch

The next day, Dirk waited for John in front of the school, again, his shirt still with an itchy high collar, probably for another few days. He carefully scratched at it as he waited for John, trying to figure out what to say when he saw him and hoping he wasn't upset with him still.

John’s expression saddened subconsciously when he saw Dirk’s shirt, more than aware of the bruise that was under the collar as he approached him.

He scuffed the bottom of his shoe against the ground for a moment as the silence lingered before he finally spoke.

“Sorry, I uh, sorry I got upset with you yesterday. It’s not your fault and I shouldn’t have pushed that on you.”

Dirk rubbed the back of his neck. "It's fine. I'm sorry for being upset, too. I know you just want what's best."

He stood there awkwardly for a moment, then added. "On the bright side, my Bro said he's fine if I hang out more after school. So we can do that. If you still want."

John smiled tiredly and nodded. “Yeah, that’s good, Dirk. It’s okay, you can still come over, you’re okay.” He reassured him softly and gently.

Dirk visibly relaxed. "Cool. Thanks. Just tell me when you want me and I'll head over. Just. Warn me if other people are going to be there."

He gestured with his head to the building. "Shall we head in?" He crooked out his arm jokingly as though he were offering it for John to take.

John looked between Dirk and his arm for a moment, squinting a little before reaching for it and hugging his arm to his chest tighter than he initially wanted to, relaxing his grip a little.

“Tell me if you want me to let you go.”

Dirk froze when John actually took his arm, but he was filled with a tingly giddiness that overcame his initial discomfort.

"Do not ever," he said, laughing lightly.

With his boyfriend on his arm like he was in some cheesy romance novel, Dirk entered the school and headed toward their classroom, but not too quickly. He wanted to enjoy the sensation as long as he could.

John laughed a bit, shaking his head. He was still worried, a sinking pit right in the center of his chest but he was content, with the way Dirk was letting him hold onto him so close. 

It was nice and he was surprisingly disappointed to see the door for their homeroom class nearing.

Dirk paused when they neared the classroom, and before he could think too hard on it, swooped his head down and kissed the top of John's head.

He loosened his arm so John could more easily get free and started to head to his new seat next to John.

This was good. Everything was going well. He didn't have to think about anything else.

John blushed, ducking his head down and resting it against Dirk’s chest, right over his heart, for a moment before he pulled away.

He clasped his hands and squeezed before dropping them and nodding to the classroom.

“Come on, let’s go.” He led them aside but lingered a bit as he waited to see which seat Dirk would sit at.

Dirk could die happy with no regrets.

He took the seat he sat in yesterday, next to John. The looks still unnerved him but he thought they might be less today and he hoped John still wouldn't mind.

Once John sat down, Dirk remembered he still had his work. "Could I get my papers?" No point in having John keep them safe if he was just going to forget them again.

“Oh! Yeah, thanks for reminding me.” John told him with a little nod as he ruffled through his folders before finding the one with Dirk’s homework in it.

He gave it to him and rested his hand in his cheek, appearing a bit more relaxed than he had that morning as he watched Dirk.

Dirk felt flustered under John's gaze.

"Thanks" he said as he grabbed the papers, shoving the ones he'd need later into his bag. 

He could get used to this. To having John help him and care about him. To holding hands and stealing kisses when he could. It scared him, a little. No good things ever lasted and he didn't know what he would do when this got taken away.

He tried not to think on it too much as class started, and instead focused on stealing glances at John as he could.

God he wished they had more classes together.

When class ended, Dirk hesitated, waiting for John to stand up and leave before he did the same.

John stood up and smiled softly at Dirk, following him out of the room.

“I’ll see you at lunch, yeah?” He asked softy, rocking on his toes and gripping the straps of his book bag, finding himself warm and sweet-feeling when he and Dirk were together, able to ignore any stares that were thrown their way.

Dirk nodded and reached out to brush John's bangs off his forehead. "Yeah. See you at lunch."

He headed off to his other classes, which were unremarkable, if giving him more homework than he necessarily wanted. Especially for a day he wasn't going to be tutored by John.

It wasn't until the bell rang for him to head in the lunchroom that he remembered promising John he'd try to sit with his friends today. He was suddenly nervous, and decided to just not bring it up unless John did, even if he felt like a total coward.

John found himself looking forward to lunch, then he’d have time to just sit and talk with Dirk, time that was starting to feel precious and not-enough the more he considered the faceless shadow of their brother over them.

“Hey, Dirk.” He greeted, bumping him slightly in greeting, stopping beside him and looking up at him.

“Where do you want to sit?”

Oof right to the question right off the bat. He hesitated then said, "I said I'd try to sit with your friends this time, so, if you still want..."

He wasn't even sure exactly what freaked him out so much about it. That they'd hate him and John would hate him? That they'd find out about Bro and that would cause something bad to happen? What if Bro found out and got mad or made him change schools or something? Or maybe he was just so used to not talking to anyone that meeting even more people spiked his anxiety, no secret reason behind it.

Or maybe it was all of the above.

John raised his hand slowly so that Dirk could track it and rested it on his chest, patting it before smiling.

“It’s okay, sweetie, you don’t have to if you won’t be comfortable. I understand and I’m sure that my friends don’t mind it.”

Dirk's heart fluttered at the deliberate movement, and he melted at the pet name. He wanted to do the same back, but he was sure it would just sound stilted and awkward in his mouth.

"I'm sorry," he said as he headed toward his usual spot. "I can't keep stealing you at lunch forever."

John nodded, showing he was listening as he followed Dirk.

“I know, honey, I know.” He said softly, sitting across from him and nodded towards his friends’ table.

“But it doesn’t really matter, I just want to spend time with you too. I spend time with them all the time as well. I’d.. Like you to meet, yes, but it doesn’t need to be rushed.”

He paused a little before pushing his lunch to Dirk. 

“My dad completely ignored the whole ‘I’m sixteen and you don’t have to pack a lunch for me thing’ so, if you want, he made tangsuyuk and we can share? There’s no way I’m eating all of this.”

Dirk ducked his head. "Thanks."

When John pushed his lunch in front of him, Dirk felt his mouth salivate. Still, he looked nervously between John and the food. "Are you sure? You don't have to do this."

Bro would... not be happy if he found out Dirk was getting pity food. Not that Bro had to know.

“Dirk,” John started firmly but gently, motioning to the food.

“My dad made enough to feed an army. There’s literally no way for me to eat all of this.”

Dirk didn't need to be told a third time. He grabbed a fork and dug in, keeping an eye on how much John ate so he wouldn't eat more than his fair share. It was... delicious. Beyond words. Dirk wasn't sure he had ever had a home cooked meal but he was sure John was well on his way to getting him addicted to it.

After his fourth mouthful he remembered to express his appreciation. "Thanks. This is so fuckin good, John. Your dad's a saint."

John found himself watching Dirk with a self-satisfied smile, shaking his head slightly.

“No need to thank me and I’ll be sure to tell him. It might boost his ego more than I want but.. I’ll tell him you send your compliments to the chef.” He finished with a bit of a laugh.

Dirk ate until he mentally figured he finished half and set his fork down. When was the last time he had an actual meal at lunch, even?

"Dude cooks like this needs an ego boost," he said. "Seriously, no take out compares." He didn't know if that was actually a good compliment, but that was a lot of his frame of reference, so he hoped it sufficed.

He scratched absently at his neck again. God he hated wearing high collars. Maybe it would be healed up enough by the next day to go without.

"Classes goin okay?"

John took a bite of the food and nodded.

“You can eat more if you want to and yeah, classes are going good. I have a project in Spanish so I’m a little unsure of what I’ll get on that but I’m pretty confident it’ll be a passing grade. What about you? How’re your classes going?”

Dirk fought with himself over double checking that John was sure he could eat more food, and knowing that John would say yes if he did. After a few moments, he took another bite, trying to go more slowly but still plenty hungry.

"Classes are fine. Lots of homework today for some reason, which is extra annoying since I have to go grocery shopping after school. But I'll deal."

He took a moment to think how odd it was that he was actually worrying about finishing it when it wasn't directly under John's gaze. He guess... He didn't want to disappoint him?

“It’s probably because the semester is coming to an end. Lots of teachers are trying to give out busy work and stuff.” John suggested, shrugging a little as he did so. 

“My teachers are giving out quite a bit of homework as well.”

Dirk sighed in an exaggerated manner. "Yeah that's probably it. You keep up with the homework just fine, though." It was half statement half question, since he never saw John do work while they were studying, but he supposed not having the threat of a temperamental brother looking over him helped.

“Yeah, but I don’t want to get burnt out or anything.” John explained a little, shrugging.

“Will you be doing anything for the next break?” He asked suddenly.

"Nah, no plans here. What about you?"

Mostly Dirk just did his best to stay out of Bro's way.

“We don’t have any plans either, Dad and I. Family visits sometimes, from Korea but not too often, schedules and all that.”

He explained, waving his fork around a little. “I’ll uh.. I’ll probably visit my mom a lot since I won’t be all tired out from school.”

Dirk stayed silent for a moment to see if John would elaborate, and when he didn't, asked, "Do you want to talk about her? Your mom?"

John paused, looking up at Dirk quickly and then back down to the table. “I.. I mean if you want to hear, I know it makes people uncomfortable to hear about her since, you know, she died but..”

Dirk's heart ached. He reached out a hand and placed it on John's. "Tell me about her. Please," he said gently, trying to let himself smile softly so John knew it was okay.

John smiled back, grasping Dirk’s hand and rubbing his thumb over the back of it for a few moments before he finally spoke. 

“I was ten when she died, it was.. a break-in gone wrong, they said.” He closed his eyes for a few seconds before opening them, brows furrowed. 

“She was amazing, god. She taught me how to play piano and she would sing in the kitchen when she cooked,” He laughed a little as he said it, ducking his head down. 

“She was so tall, taller than my dad. When uh, when I was younger and I’d have nightmares, she’d get in bed with me. The bed was too small but we didn’t really care, and she’d tell me all these stories about when her and my dad met and-and about how it was just love at first sight between them.” His smile grew fond, but it was sad too, and then it disappeared.

“She died trying to hide me.” He muttered softly.

Dirk squeezed his hand. "She sounds amazing. It's clear she loved you a lot."

He wasn't sure what else he should say. He never had a similar connection, so he couldn't relate on any scale, but it was nice hearing John talk about his mom, even if it was terribly sad.

John nodded, rubbing at his eyes. They were glossy and reddening but he didn’t cry, just squeezed Dirk’s hand back.

“Yeah.. She did, huh?” enough to die for me, he added to himself, unsure how Dirk would react to him saying that part aloud. 

Six years, and he still can’t believe she put herself in front of a bullet for him.

All this time John had been looking out for Dirk, working to make him happy and pull him out of his shell and this is what he was dealing with.

Dirk simply couldn't imagine how much pain he must be in.

"I think... I think she'd be proud of who you are now. You're so kind and smart and just... Good. She and your dad did a good job raising you."

He hoped it was comforting.

“Thank you, Dirk.” He lifted his hand up and quickly pressed a kiss to the back of it.

“I want to be a good person, you know? As.. As kind and good as she was. I’m glad that.. you can see it.”

Dirk heated up at the kiss, but remained focused on John. He wanted to hold him. Wanted to reassure him he was good and everything anyone could ever want out of a kid. But they were at school and there was only so much he could do, so he just said, "Of course I can see it. Anyone can. You outshine the rest of us." If there was a touch of awe in his voice, well, maybe Dirk was just letting out some of what he truly felt for John.

John’s eyes watered, and he looked down, wiping at his eyes again with his free hand.

“I don’t deserve you.. I don’t.” He whispered, giving Dirk a shaky but genuine smile.

Dirk smiled back. "Hey, that's my line." He paused for a moment, then said, "Thanks for telling me this, John. Seriously. It means a lot."

“You’re welcome, I’m uh, glad you wanted to listen even though it was.. Super sad.” He replied, finishing with a somewhat awkward laugh. 

“Is it-is it okay if I ask about your family? I know you live with your brother but you.. don’t talk about anyone else.”

Dirk shrugged and looked away, his hand loose in John's grip. "There's not anyone else. Bro never gave me the details, but from what I gather, he was in and out of foster homes until he turned 18. Somewhere along the line he heard about me and got me out of them as soon as he could. I was still a baby, so I don't remember anything before Bro, but from what I can tell he saved me. Not even just from what he says, he'd never call it that, but I've heard stories from other foster kids, too. It's not a fun scene."

He took a deep breath, in and out, then added, "I know it sounds like I'm making excuses for him or lying to myself about who he is, but people are more complex than 'good' and 'bad' and he-- he does care about me. I know he does."

John nodded, gripping his hand and briefly glancing over towards his friends, Karkat specifically, he’s heard.. stories, enough to leave an impression. 

“I’m sorry to hear that, for the both of you.” Even as he spoke, it felt more and more like a lie, he was unable to give much sympathy to Dirk’s brother, but the words he help for this boyfriend were beyond genuine.

"Thanks," he said. He was quiet for a moment, then snorted. "We really decided to have some heavy as fuck conversations at the lunch table, huh? Still have the rest of the school day to go through."

He leaned back and stretched, as though trying to work the mood out of his body. "Still, not like there are many other places we /can/ talk about this. High school life fucking sucks."

John laughed a little and nodded. “I guess lunch is better a place as any for them.” 

He watched Dirk stretch and pushed his back, though it did nothing as his hair immediately fell back into his face. 

“I.. guess it can, yeah, nothing like the movies, huh? I wanted my mom to see me graduate, now I’m just trying to figure out if praying works.”

Dirk didn't know how to respond to that, never having been a spiritual person himself. "I'm sure it does."

He leans over the table under the guise of wiping John's hair from his forehead, and quickly kisses it before settling back down.

"I'm here if you ever want to talk about any of this some more."

John shrugged. “We can hope.” 

He leaned in a little when Dirk kissed his forehead, eyes slipping closed as he set back, sighing when they opened. 

“Thank you, the same to you but I uh, think that’s enough talking about my mother for today.”

"Completely understandable. Offer's on the table, though."

Dirk picked a little more at the food that was left in John's dish. Mostly full, but knowing he'd be hungry again soon enough, and realizing how good it would be to not shop on an empty stomach. Hell, maybe he wouldn't even feel the need to use up one of his big meals tonight and just have some ramen.

"Thanks again for this, by the way."

“You’re so welcome, Dirk, you don’t have to thank me, though.” 

He patted his hand and eyed the clock. “We’ve still got about fifteen minutes left.” He told the other.

Dirk blinked in surprise. He was sure they had been sitting there longer. "Did you want to go for a walk? Get your mind off things? Or are you still eating?"

John gave him a smile, a little sweeter than his others before he spoke. “See what I mean? I don’t deserve you, it’s okay though, I’m done eating, we can just.. sit here.. I don’t know what we could talk about but this is good enough.” 

He wonders if Dirk was aware of how little he’d eaten, but he wasn’t really hungry so there was no issue, besides, there was still more than he needed left.

"Okay," Dirk said, squeezing John's hand again.

Just sitting with him was nice, though he still wished he wasn't at school so he could hold him. Maybe even kiss him properly again. That... That had been nice. The tips of his ears heat up at the thought.

John nods, resting his hand on his arm and looking up at Dirk, thumb rubbing against the back of his knuckles.

His glasses were slightly askew and he looked surprisingly content given what they’d just been talking about.

“Would you ever want to meet my dad?” He asks suddenly.

Dirk balks at the question, his face going neutral as he considers it. Everything he heard about John's dad sounded great, but Dirk also had a deeply seated unease around any sort of adult. But surely John's dad would also get suspicious if his son kept inviting someone over he could never meet.

"It's not out of the question," he says carefully. "Do you want me to meet your dad?" It's a silly question, but Dirk feels the need to clarify it anyway.

“I’d like you to, if that’s something that you’d want.” He kept his tone light and open, giving Dirk room to back out if he wanted to. 

It didn’t take much to figure out that he probably wouldn’t want to meet his Dad so soon, that paired with the fact that he was looking a little paler than usual.

"I think I could get around to it. Some day."

Dirk feels shitty, like he's trying to isolate John or something. Hi, here's John's boyfriend who refused to meet his friends or dad or anyone he cares about. That doesn't throw up any red flags.

“I’m not mad at you or anything, you know? I’m not like, disappointed or anything. I understand, or well, I don’t understand, but I’d like to.”

He sat up as he explained, but he continued to hold Dirk’s hand as he did.

Dirk rubbed his thumb over John's hand. "Thanks. I just don't want people to find out about Bro, I guess. And the more people I'm around, the harder it is. Not to mention no one's ever really... Stuck by me, I guess. Everyone leaves." He didn't sound morose as he said it, more like he was stating a fact about the world.

John frowned, eyebrows creasing up with worry and sadness. 

“Well, that’s not your fault, you know? Unfortunately.. Not everyone stays, even when we need them the most. That doesn’t mean you deserve to be alone, though, no one does.”

Dirk shrugged. He wasn't really sad about people leaving. They just did, and he'd mostly accepted it by now. Didn't mean it wasn't hard to consider them doing it. He knew trying to explain that to John wouldn't go well though, so he just said, "Thanks. Sorry you always gotta treat me with kid gloves. You have your own shit going on, too."

“It’s okay, I don’t mind being gentle with you. I think you need gentleness a little more than you think.” 

John sat up and blew a stray strand of hair out of his face.

Dirk's chest constricted and his mouth fell open slightly, but he was at a loss for what to say. He just sat there, staring at John for a few moments, as the words sank into him, then the bell rang for the end of lunch.

"I'll see you later, John. Let me know when you want me to go over again," he said instead of... whatever his brain had been trying to grapple with.

He picked up his bag and headed out of the lunch room.

John nodded, standing up and smiling in a way he found that he only ever aimed at Dirk.

“Yeah, I’ll let you know.” He went to follow Dirk out when he was grabbed and spun around.

He came face to face with Roxy and Karkat, both of which had their eyebrows raised.

“Oh hey-“

“And I thought my romcoms were something, that was like watching a goddamn soap opera.”

John sputtered and started walking, immediately getting flanked by the other two.

“Damn, Johnny, didn’t know you had it in you. He’s a looker.” Roxy added with a smile. John felt his face flushing red but he didn’t say anything, choosing to purse his lips as they walked.

“Soooooo, how’d that happen?”

John covered his cheeks with one hand, hiding the flush and his smile as he did so.

“I’ll tell you everything after school if Dirk is okay with it, bye!” He waved them off as he rounded the corner to his own class.

Karkat glanced at Roxy before muttered lowly. “I bet you thirty dollars John had a crisis about it.”

Dirk had a lot to think about the rest of the day. He was happy he learned more about John, but he was surprised at himself for not realizing how hard he had it. Dirk had to do more to support him instead of John just treating him like fragile glass.

But John said he deserved to be treated gently. What an odd thought. It nagged at Dirk in ways he wasn't entirely comfortable with.

He didn't know if John was expecting to see him after class, so he just started heading out the school, if lingering a little bit in case John tried to catch up. He hoped Bro was still in a good, or at least un-social mood. Maybe he could actually get more of his work done.

“Hey, Dirk! Hold on!” John was holding a couple of folders in his arms, each filled with papers as he slowed to a stop beside his boyfriend.

“Hey, honey, are we staying after school today or are we going to try for tomorrow instead?” John asked, shifting the papers in his arms. 

“Because we definitely stay after today too, and have the rest of the week off or we can wait, it’s completely up to you, Dirk, since my schedule is pretty open right now.”

Dirk considered this. He had to go grocery shopping, but being with John more sounded better, especially since he ate a pretty filling lunch... But then if Bro expected there to be groceries tonight and he didn't have them, that wouldn't be good.

He shook his head. "Sorry, but I gotta head to the store today. Tomorrow for sure, though."

John frowned slightly, mostly to himself before nodding. “Okay, sweetie, come down here.” He placed a hand on Dirk’s cheek, guiding him down as he lifted himself up a bit to press a little kiss to the other’s forehead.

“Be safe, watch yourself. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

Dirk blushed as he let himself be pulled down so John could kiss his forehead. It was such a simple, sweet gesture it made his heart pound in his chest.

"See you tomorrow," Dirk echoed.

Grocery shopping went okay. Fifty bucks was on the high end for what Bro gave him, but he didn't know how long he was expected to make it last, so he still pinched every penny he could. More ramen, some cans and pouches of tuna, spaghetti and a can of sauce, and plenty of things he could hoard in his room like snack bars and crackers. He did splurge a but and pick up some orange soda, though.

Bro almost never touched their groceries, but he picked up some of his favorite chips to try to keep him in a good mood.

Dragging it all back home sucked, though..the grocery store was just a couple of blocks away but it made Dirk curse every heavy item he bought. Eventually he got it all in the apartment and put it away and collapsed on his bed, too tired to even think about doing homework for a bit.

He pulled out his phone. Wouldn't hurt to see what John was up to, even for just a few minutes.

TT: I made it home from the store alive

TT: Barely

TT: you might have to resuscitate me

TT: how are you doin

EB: hi honey!

EB: oh no did you not have a ride? I could have taken you 

EB: I’m alright though, I’m working on my Spanish project!

John gave his phone a worried look even though Dirk couldn’t see it. He worried him, even more now that he knew about Dirk’s home life but it wouldn’t do either of them good to preach on it, but hopefully Dirk got his sentiment.

He’d help in any way he could.

Dirk smiles at the thought of being able to hang out with John more, but it faded when he thought about John's worried look directed at the sight of his meager groceries.

TT: nah it's my own fault for buying heavy shit

TT: I'm used to it anyway

TT: thanks though

TT: Spanish project sounds

TT: fun?

TT: I don't have anything interesting for homework

TT: which maybe I should do

TT: but maybe I should just lay here and become one with the bed

The thought of getting off his bed to do homework certainly wasn't one he liked.

EB: okay if you say so 

Now that he thought of it, Dirk probably wouldn’t have let him drop him off at his place to start with. 

EB: come on Dirk 

EB: please do your homework 

EB: for me?

Dirk flushes lightly.

TT: how is it you can use puppy dog eyes when i cant even see your face

TT: how is that fair

TT: but I guess

TT: If you insist

TT: I'll drag my way off of this bed and get started on it

TT: just for you

It made his stomach flutter to think about. That John would care this much.

John smiled to himself, his puppy eyes once again reigning champion over any other possible outcomes. 

EB: I’ve been using them for years 

EB: I’ve honed the skill to a T

EB: but good job!! I’m proud of you already!

Dirk does as he said he would, gets off the bed and over to the desk and pulls out his books from his bag.

TT: this means I have to stop talking though

TT: just a sacrifice that must be made

TT: feel free to text me if anything comes up

TT: I just probably won't respond for a while

TT: see you at school tomorrow babe

He hit send then realized what he just ended that with.

Fuck.

That's like, stupid cheesy and bad, right? Nothing like the sweet "honey" John calls him.

Whatever, it's done. Dirk put his phone down and focused on his work.

EB: okay honey! I’ll talk to you later!

John covered his face a little, smiling and pleasantly warm at the pet name. 

He was glad that he was alone, he was more than sure that he’d be laughed at for his dopey grin.

Dirk finished up his homework quickly enough, which is to say, not actually that quickly because there was a lot of it. Night had definitely fallen by the time he finished.

It's not until he closes his last book that he realized he never heard Bro come home. It was a little odd, but Dirk supposed it happened often enough. Still, he made sure to stuff his homework in the books rather than leave them loose before he went to bed.


End file.
